Trying to stay off the coaster but struggling. Laying in bed for the last night. I don't think it is the last night for good but since I'm finishing moving out in the morning, I don't know for how long.
She'll be back Friday night by 7pm. She hasn't messages me anymore since earlier. I'm posting so I won't message her. My thoughts are so jumbled. I struggled during my prayers tonight. I want to ask her questions but I know I shouldn't. Maybe she's right. Maybe OM really does love her. But he's a NFL player with a new team, new contract and 6 kids by 5 different women...he's got to be up to more of the same right? Or is he really changing for my W?
I just feel in my heart she's going to come back. I don't know if that's just wishful thinking or what but I just don't feel like OM matches up to me. If he did, she would call him when she's upset or frustrated about her injury. I know her words scream D, D, D...and probably her actions even more but like jb said, can't really believe what I see or hear from herrings now.
Part of me wants to bring up D'ing our old marriage but I don't know how to go about that kinda convo...maybe that's not even optional. I re-read my posts from page 7 and 8 about her messages to me on Thursday and they were so all over the place. I wonder if she'll contact me tonight...if she does what will I do? If she doesn't, do I do anything? This will be her first weekend at home since March 27th and oddly enough, I'll be gone before she gets back pursuant to her wishes and the court order. Wonder what happens when she walks into a H-less home. I've even taken the time to fix up a few things she got on me in the past about so that she'll at some point notice right up until the moment I have to walk out the door, I did the right thing, for me and for our house that used to be a home.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
But he's a NFL player with a new team, new contract and 6 kids by 5 different women...he's got to be up to more of the same right?
Unfortunately, our WASs don't typically pursue the top notch OW/OM. This is probably the case here, too. What type of person has an A with a married man/woman?
Originally Posted By: mgm32
Part of me wants to bring up D'ing our old marriage but I don't know how to go about that kinda convo...
I can completely understand wanting to do this. I wanted to do this early on and still want to do it from time to time. However, with our Ws and the state of mind they are in, it will go in one ear and out the other.
He needs help asap...this board isn't really enough but
it's what we have
thanks
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
"This seems to be a pattern with several of us around here. Our WASs are harboring hurts from the past. They are not learning the true meaning of forgiveness." I think one huge reason couples don't reconcile as often is b/c either the LBSer can't/won't forgive, OR the
WAS thinks the LBSer won't be able to...
The term I've learned regarding this is "Injustice Collector". I call it "scorecards/grievance list"...but i get your point.
And it seems to be more prevalent in women - sorry, not trying to be sexist here. My W is still angry at her mother for things that happened 40 years ago, and at me for something I jokingly said 11 years ago. She can recall arguments and thoughtless words between us that occurred years ago, and from which I had comp[b]letely moved on.
Those issues run very deep and there is nothing we can do to even begin to help. [/b] Small bone to pick w/you on this one^^^. IF An issue/event has been discussed and a real apology issued, it ought to be done with, FINI. Letting go is a huge favor you do for yourself first, imo. Otherwise it's like saying "Holding onto anger to hurt someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes..."
The problem for me is when the person (h or w) "wrongs" the other spouse (assume for this purpose that there was an actual 'wrong')
and the "wronging" party doesn't say they're sorry or that they "get" that they hurt their spouse,
then the hurt/wronged spouse is left with the question "are they going to do this again? Do they know they wronged me? Why should I trust h/w not to do that again if they won't even apologize?"
Years later the hurt party appears to be nursing a grudge and gets blamed for not knowing how to forgive. The spouse that hurt the other says "You hold onto everything...I swear"...
But it might turn out that the late night at the bar on the night she gave birth to their baby,
was something he never owned up to or even acknowledged, so next time she's pregnant, she brings it up and he pooh poohs it... &she gets very nervous/distrustful...
It's not always about not forgiving b/c maybe she wants to-- but she doesn't feel safe enough to "trust in the now"...
Make sense?
It is completely up to the person suffering from these unforgiven hurts to admit they need counseling to deal with them and move on with their own lives.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
