Feels Like I'm In Two-a-Days

[MadeToSucceed]

Trying to stay off the coaster but struggling. Laying in bed for the last night. I don't think it is the last night for good but since I'm finishing moving out in the morning, I don't know for how long.

She'll be back Friday night by 7pm. She hasn't messages me anymore since earlier. I'm posting so I won't message her. My thoughts are so jumbled. I struggled during my prayers tonight. I want to ask her questions but I know I shouldn't. Maybe she's right. Maybe OM really does love her. But he's a NFL player with a new team, new contract and 6 kids by 5 different women...he's got to be up to more of the same right? Or is he really changing for my W?

I just feel in my heart she's going to come back. I don't know if that's just wishful thinking or what but I just don't feel like OM matches up to me. If he did, she would call him when she's upset or frustrated about her injury. I know her words scream D, D, D...and probably her actions even more but like jb said, can't really believe what I see or hear from herrings now.

Part of me wants to bring up D'ing our old marriage but I don't know how to go about that kinda convo...maybe that's not even optional. I re-read my posts from page 7 and 8 about her messages to me on Thursday and they were so all over the place. I wonder if she'll contact me tonight...if she does what will I do? If she doesn't, do I do anything? This will be her first weekend at home since March 27th and oddly enough, I'll be gone before she gets back pursuant to her wishes and the court order. Wonder what happens when she walks into a H-less home. I've even taken the time to fix up a few things she got on me in the past about so that she'll at some point notice right up until the moment I have to walk out the door, I did the right thing, for me and for our house that used to be a home.