Waiting to PIECE. No PEACE when waiting

[25yearsmlc]

9,

Did I miss something about her mother dying? (Memorial??) WTH? When? How? Sudden? What was their r like? I thought Country Song's FIL died...(Did both of your w's lose parents in the past 90 days? Sheesh...)

Anyhow,
when she says "I should move the hell away", follow up with a rational question. First off, you know she's not exactly wrong. You DO live in small town and it has some major downsides including an all knowing and all UNforgiving public/peanut gallery...) And She has a lot of shame.

Second, she's giving a knee jerk reaction. Let it play out instead. Like saying, "really, like where?" and let her fantasy or tantrum follow through so she can see herself how great an idea it is. If it's crazy, she's going to realize that in time. If it's not so wacky, consider listening to her.

Finally, I wonder if there's a part of you that also is so used to crisis that you might find it a bit exciting. My h grew up in the military and then was a military doctor. We were always moving. And now that he's out he seems to chronically want to move again, despite having a d about to enter high school. He was yanking to move from the time he got out til now and he's still out of town 4 days a week.

It's unstable and when you are active duty, you deal with it. it IS exciting to move to a new place and "start fresh" but doing it every 2-3 years also prevents you from building long term R's as a kid. Our son has no friends from before 10th grade, yet I have many friends who are people I met by the age of 20 plus new ones, b/c I grew up in one place. There's a balance and cost benefit analysis to it of course. H has no idea how it feels like he's yanking out the floor from our kids when he fantasizes about a move. Wish he wouldn't blurt it out to d, let alone without talking to me first.


He seems to crave a new project of great importance (or lots of turmoil), and it is unsettling. I DO think it was a huge factor in his choices a few years back.

Your wife has this same problem, plus a medical condition that makes it chronic and pathological so you're dealing with it times 100.

For better or worse, You have become accustomed to that.

I'm pleased the OW wasn't a drama queen but I wonder if you are a tad addicted to your w's behavior...just curious as to your reaction to that.


Try to take it easy if you can. You deserve it.

AND yes, you deserve a spouse who can freely choose to love you fully.

We all do.

If you find out that in the end, she's not capable or willing, no one will judge you for needing and wanting and seeking out, more...

Good luck, be good to yourself and your boys.