Oh, I think there are those of us that can relate to letting go of the baggage.
One of the hardest things that happens now, and you likely know this, is learning to trust your instincts and act on them. You seem to be in that stage where you are waiting for him to make up his mind and while in that limbo, are trying to make sense of things. My thought is that is why you are wanting the time yet dreading it, no?
Hang in there. Time will pass regardless of what you do or do not do. There are times for action and times to wait. Your instinct will guide you in those, and your conscience will help you keep your instinct in reality mode. But the fog of limbo won't last any longer than needed
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
