Loving, Listening, and Letting Go..

[aeolianchaos]

You could be the best psychologist in the world and she still wouldn't listen.

You just nailed me here, GB. I do this.. I need to learn how to shut my smart mouth. I am good with the theory, but the practice of just listening and asking good questions is something I need to work at. I guess because I have worked so hard for myself to understand this whole thing, I feel like I have a lot of insight to offer her, but I really shouldn't do it in that way. I suppose I am doing a lot of mindreading and I should know better since that was something I had to work at in therapy over the winter.

She did state, however, that she felt terribly guilty and awful and worries about me all the time. So I wasn't mindreading that part, so much as offering a framework for explaining some of her behavior over the past year. At the very least I should be expecting there will be a proximity bias.

They are left sitting by themselves wondering and finally logically reasoning if all the pain hardship and stress they have created is worth it. Then they can look at you and hopefully see your changes and see that there might be a chance. Hopefully the DBing and GAL push her over.

I guess there is a part of me that has little faith she will come to that realization. My life is not in a great place - I am unemployed, letting go of my career goals, and honestly just not the best looking person on the block. I made the mistake of letting my W become one of the only things I had going for me..

I'm not just sitting with that, though. I am trying to get some kind of job (for the short term) and am trying to figure out what I might want to do with my life that would be meaningful and good. I am working on reconnecting with other people and creating a 'network' of some sort. I guess I am getting the sense of 'too little too late' from her and it discourages me even though I'm not doing this stuff FOR her.