XYZ is here longer than I ever imagined....

[XYZ]

A few unrelated thoughts...

First, yup, Harrier you told me so, and you were right one. I think we both fall into the trap of hearing something here and not thinking it applies to us. Sometimes it doesn't and often all of the sitchs are just alike...

Second, sometimes I re-read my stuff and man do I sound needy. I want to say that 70% of the time my moods are steady and "normal". 15% I am high and happy, 15% low and give-up-ish (is that at least close enough to a word?). It's during those 15% of give-up-ish moods that I write these things here. It's cathartic. I feel better after. You guys give me reminders that lead to hope. I guess the reason I'm saying this is I don't want you all to think I'm really that wimpy guy. This is just my outlet. Around the W I'm almost NEVER like that. I did say almost, but it's pretty close to never never. Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. You'll most likely never know me in the real world, but if you did I wouldn't want to be thought of as a wimp.

Third, something else I've noticed is the progression of changes in my W. It goes something like this: some improvement (depth, length or happiness of conversation for example) appears first in an electronic communication (usually TM). Later, that improvement shows up in a verbal via telephone conversation, and lastly in person. That makes sense to me. If I had to deliver a message to someone and I wasn't sure about it, the most comfortable way to do it would be via email or text. The least - in person. This progression makes sense. I've seen that pattern several times over the past weeks. Today for the first time in a long time, W twice made sexually explicit jokes - both in a TM. Is this the start of a new round of up-ing the ante? Maybe and I sure hope so.

Forget the X that wimped yesterday. That was me crying in my beer. The X from Sunday is who I really am and I am back - at least until the next time I cry in my beer. And when that happens, you'll all be here for me and understand where I'm coming from and for that I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.