I've moved out and have had very little contact with my W. I have had "business" type conversations with her mostly and we attended an event this past Sunday together... for reasons beyond me, she suggested we go together. It was a good time. It was the first time we have gone anywhere together in a very long time. There was polite conversation and we enjoyed the event. I enjoyed the company as I have been fairly lonely lately. But it still felt awkward. I made certain to not bring up the relationship and just be happy.
It bothers me to not know what she's doing but I don't make excuses to call or stop by the house. In fact, I call before I stop by the house (I still have stuff to move). But I would still like to know. I usually get the worst case scenarios running through my head and that's never fun. Usually when that happens I just wind up making myself angry or depressed. I try to stop those thoughts, but it's not easy.
I am still going to therapy (still alone) once a week but I took this week off because my schedule has been crazy with moving. I have been moved out about 3 weeks now but I stayed somewhere else before I got my apartment.
I have been going out more often and have been meeting new friends via other friends. The freedom has been nice but I do miss her. It's been a long time since I've lived my life for myself.
It's kind of crazy to find out how many people have been through my exact same situation. I mention that I am separated from my wife and that it was her decision and not mine... and it seems like everyone has a similar story to tell.
Almost everyone urges me to get a divorce and do it sooner rather than later but I still want to try to save the M. There is still some hope there inside of me somewhere. No matter how much she makes me angry and hurt, I still love her.
I don't think she is interested in filing for divorce any time soon but she certainly doesn't seem like she wants to spend much time with me or even talk to me. But, then again, she surprises me once in awhile too. I know she is still going out quite often because when we do talk, we usually ask each other how we've been doing. It sounds like she's having the time of her life. She says this is who she was before she met me but I don't quite believe that's necessarily true. We talked a lot about who we were before we met during our relationship and nothing she ever told me matches up to what she's doing now. But there's nothing I can do to control her behavior. I feel helpless.
We haven't had any type of intimacy at all although she has acted warmly towards me a few times. We have both always been very polite to each other through all this. I guess if there's courtesy, there must be some kind of respect there. She has also been very good about letting me slowly move my stuff so I don't have to take time off work to do it.
Well, back to GAL and 180s. I just wanted to post an update because I thought it might help to write about it.
