Every project has an end

[~ kd ~]

First topic was Left WAW, not giving up

Second topic was M exit strategy

Last topic was Final stretch to D

~~~~~~~~~~~

When last we left, our protagonist was getting used to the idea that his WAW was sharing opinions that the protagonist had an A...

We hope that the protagonist truly will let that one go... Let's will watch and see.

[~ kd ~]

Next topic is Every project has an end

[~ kd ~]

hahaha...

The protagonist is stuck in a vicious, loop back, circle!!!!

[jbnati]

Hope it's not an endless loop. Heck, I had to hit ctrl-c just to get down to this reply box.

[Psych77]

Like the self-referential humor, Kaffe!

Accusations and partner assuming she knows things without knowing them (psychically?) are the worst. It hurts and angers me so much when W does that to me.

For me, this is part of the classic irony - when I get angry *I* make accusations and ascribe feelings/motivations to W (although I haven't accused her of actual action, like an A).

Probably, in some twisted, backhanded way, the fact that I do it (or have done it a LOT) is the reason why being on the receiving end hurts so much.

Any of this dynamic going on with YOU? (I am afraid I haven't had the chance to read your history yet, so pardon if I am asking something that is somehow obvious).

[~ kd ~]

Thanks, Psych...

Perhaps... proof or no proof... the hardest part of forgiving is getting stuck in score keeping and the blame game...

I wouldn't be honest if I said I didn't score keep or pass blame... what I CAN say is that I continue not to score keep or pass blame...

Yes, on my thread in the "We're separated" forum, I've newly posted a lot of "events"... I'll justify that I would have to refer back to that topic to recall any injustices, as I've pretty much forgotten them... although that could just as easily be due to that age - memory thing...

The point is, my intention with the journal is only for the purposes of information as it may pertain to D... other than that... I'd like to believe (and have the opportunity to prove) how able I usually am (in a normal world) to let things slide off my back...

Maybe that's my own detriment... Forgetting things may have been the reason why I did not pick up on signs that things were going bad... We do not learn by forgetting, we learn by remembering... and grow by forgiving...

[~ kd ~]

Not entirely sure what I want to say, here.

Nothing profound comes to mind...

I just got off the phone with my L's office and have an appointment set up for, ironically, Aug. 11... my ten year anniversary...

I have to be honest that I'm somewhat driven by anger right now, but nothing... irrational... a bit of an emotional leveler, it seems... enough to prod me into action on this...

Fear gets us stuck... there is no doubt about it... and we are capable of doing almost anything to deny that fear... or... maybe protect it...

All I can say is, do whatever you can to know what fear is keeping you stuck and then whatever you can to break through that fear... however that looks for you... and then ACT...

DO SOMETHING to drive past the fear and MOVE IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION

COURAGE is a core value to be embraced...

HONESTY to yourself... without it, you will never have clarity...

TRUST in yourself... trust yourself capable... we all are capable... mistakes will happen... trust in yourself to choose the right resources... people... who you can enlist to accomplish your honest, clear goal...

INTEGRITY... our moral compass, as it were... it may not look the same as someone else' integrity... but have no doubt that if you operate out of your personal integrity, your ground and balance is gone...

RESPONSIBILITY... at the very least, be and act responsible to yourself... hold yourself accountable for both the positive AND the negative consequences of your past and your future...

COMPASSION... absolute and true and complete LOVE and EMPATHY... not just of others... but of yourself...

Know your path, it is unique for you. Advice on our own destiny is only valuable to act on when it is in line with our core values and goals. And be open to feedback... without it, we can never know that we need to course correct...


No... the anger is there and the fear is still there... but I move forward with resolve... and clarity... and... hope... or rather... faith...

[~ kd ~]

mistyped... "if you DO NOT operate out of your personal integrity, your ground and balance is gone..."

[Woodman]

Well written KD. I wish I could think cogently like that. Instead there are times most of the time actually where I am all over the place. But you have been at this a lot longer than I have. I understand what you say about being frozen by fear. We hate the lack of control. But once we give up on controlling our W or the sitch, we can concentrate on the one thing we can control....US. Still it is hard to discern what right and what's not just good but BEST. That's where our faith comes in to play.
Good luck to you my friend. I'll be experiencing my 26th anniversary Sunday and will be in court at 9:00 AM Monday for issuance of temporary orders. Right now I want to be someone else.

[~ kd ~]

Thanks woody... I guess I DID get a little profound, there...

My experience of you is you are a good man... own that... If your W does not realize the catch you are... someone else will...

Trust yourself and be strong and courageous during this time.

The process, in and of itself, can be our salvation... even if it doesn't seem like that, at the time...