Hi Sandi... I'm doing ok... I'm busy cleaning the house and doing all my chores b4 my W and the kids get home from visiting her parents. I thought they would be home on sat or sun, but they are coming home today (Thurs), so I got cleaning to do.
I have been working on GAL, and had a good weekend. I think my W is starting to show a couple if baby steps in that there have been 2 occasions now where she has interacted with my family. She had been disappearing whenever they came over before, from the start of June until my birthday on (Jul 25th). I have been keeping my distance from my W so as not to put any pressure on her. We have not had any fights or even disagreements in over 2 months now. I have been making sure to do my share of the household chores and not letting that slip. She has been actively persuing a new job, as she is losing 2 more kids as of Sept. This seems to put her in a good mood, I think because she has a feeling of empowerment in her future. In the end I don't know if she is happier these days because she is starting to see an end in sight for her home daycare crisis, or if it's because she sees her escape plan coming to fruition, or is the fog starting to clear... She was showing signs of depressing a few weeks ago (going to bed early, sleeping late.. Irritability etc) I wonder if she has ended her affair, as there is no time that I can't account for her whereabouts over the last 3 to 4 weeks. I am hoping that this time away has given her time to think about our R and the future, but I'm not counting on that.
I know in my heart that our relationship is dead. I am completely open to building a new relationship with her, if that's something she can commit to. I don't want the old troubled R back, but a new stronger, open sharing and loving R would be very welcomed. But if that doesnt happen, I'm ok, I will move on and find someone new to share my life with. I guess if I had to sum it up, I'd say that I haven't been happy in my marriage for some time now, since my wife changed so drastically, that makes it easier for me to move forward. I have made all the changes and improvements in myself that I am comfortable making. I am happy with me. Now, the ball is in my W court. If she can take ownership of her faults that led to the marriage breakdown and really commit to lasting change and self improvement, and is ready to work on our M, then I'm ready too. If not, then it's time for me to move forward without her.
I can tell you for sure that I have a lot more patience than I though...
I believe in marriage...
Keeping good thoughts and hope alive...
Johnnie....
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
