D17 is still not speaking to her mom and that has made me see a few changes in my ex. She has been contacting me more and a heck of a lot nicer than she has in the past 10 months. I know it’s not because of anything I have done, her and her loser are still together, she just wants back into her D17’s life and that would be great. I think she might be a little worried about the custody evaluation, that’s mind reading so I should not even go there. I tried talking to D17 about what was really wrong between her and her mom. She told me some things that if my mom had done, I would probably feel the exact same way she does. My ex asked me what was the problem between my D17 and her, I told her that I felt it would be best if they both just sat down and discussed that between the two of them. D17 has said every time she has tried to talk to her mom she doesn’t ever acknowledge what is wrong. Imagine that her mom refuses to acknowledge anything wrong. Everyone has told her the same thing, I think after I lost most all of my friends I would probably wake up and take notice.
I thought about what was important to me as a parent and as a man. Both of my girls need some stability in life and neither of them respect their mom. I don’t know what to do to change that because I don’t like seeing her disrespected. I asked myself if the ex has put herself in this position and I have to say yes! The things she is doing are her decisions and it is not my job to worry about the choices she makes in life. The ex told me she was putting the three of them in counseling to see if it would help with their behavior. I don’t have a problem with that and I also think when we go through this custody evaluation it could help identify some of our problems. I have my first appt. in 3 weeks.
I have found that I have been helping my D17 cope with a BF that is pretty immature. Actually they are both very immature and I see my D17 trying to do the right things but she has very low self esteem, I have been teaching her DB tactics to try and deal with both of their insecurities. She listens but does the same thing any person new to DB would do in the beginning. This is going to be a tough road for the both of them.
I am having a hard time forgiving. I know by now I should be at that point and it worries me that I haven’t been able to do that for myself. I know I have made just as bad of mistakes as she did at the end but why can’t I just forgive and move on with my life? I keep telling myself that I forgive the both of us for what we did to our children. I just haven’t been able to actually feel that at this point. Heck I am divorced I should be free of all of this stuff and start working on the next chapter.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
