If he has absolutely no interest in the woman I've become and am still becoming, well that's his loss. My kids and my immediate family have already benefited from my changes
You are so right on with this SC. I need to remember this for myself.
Seminole,
Stay strong man. I know it's hard and like you, I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. You'll get through this, and you'll be that much better because of it.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
That was probably the most nervous moment of my life. Now all I have to do is get through the custody evaluation and it will be completely done. I asked myself on my way home if I still want to ever try and rebuild a relationship with my now ex. I hope one day she turns back into the woman I married. I just don't like the person she has become. I don't know if she will ever be that person again. I am going to just move on and see what happens. I am not going to sit around and wait for her to come around. I will focus all of my energy on my kids and myself and what happens will happen because that is how life moves.
I will tell all of you that I still love the woman I married just not th person she turned into. I know I could have done a much better job at being a husband and I will never take someone for granted ever again in my life. I am going to continue to work on forgiving myself and her, when the time is right and I have no doubt in my mind I will. I am still a work in progress so that is what I truly need to do is fully become the man that I really want to be in life.
I have many thoughts about what has happened in my life a.d I refuse to do more of the same. I know we only get one round at this thing called life so it's time for me to make the best of every moment. I like the real me and so do all of my family and friends. I am going to live my dreams and make the best for my girls and me.
Live love and laugh! That's all we ever need!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
I am still a work in progress so that is what I truly need to do is fully become the man that I really want to be in life.
Quote:
I know we only get one round at this thing called life so it's time for me to make the best of every moment. I like the real me and so do all of my family and friends. I am going to live my dreams and make the best for my girls and me.
You've got it Seminole. If I were you, I'd write this out large font and paste it on my bedroom wall where I can see it and read it out loud to myself every morning.
Big hugs to you, this is so hard for all of us.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I have been thinking about what is right and what is important in my life. I pushed my D17 to make peace with my now exw because it’s the right thing to do for both of them. I had originally told her I wanted her to stay with her mom until this Thursday. Well that lasted two nights and D17 came and told me that she felt more comfortable staying with me at this point. That kind of broke my heart a little knowing that the two of them can’t see eye to eye. I understand how you can lose respect for someone but I think it would be tough losing respect for your mother. I guess it will take more time, I had a strained relationship with D17 when I was asked to move out of the house back in October. The good news is I did a dang good job earning her respect back. Like all of us know that are on this forum, you can’t make people change, they can only change themselves. I just hope their relationship gets repaired before the grandson arrives in December.
I can say that being divorced for a couple days hasn’t really bothered me as much as I had thought it might. I am not even sure what I should be feeling at this point, I just know that the sun will rise in the morning and if it doesn’t, most of what I think is very petty at that point. It’s funny, if I could have had the knowledge I now have about five years ago, I honestly feel I wouldn’t be in this situation. Then again I still make mistakes along the way but I know I am only human. I might need to move over to Divorced, But Not Done. I still have things I need to figure out about myself and what’s the rush?
The last goodbye is the hardest to say but I found a game I couldn’t play! This is where the cowboy rides away!
Heck I haven’t even saddled my horse!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
D17 is still not speaking to her mom and that has made me see a few changes in my ex. She has been contacting me more and a heck of a lot nicer than she has in the past 10 months. I know it’s not because of anything I have done, her and her loser are still together, she just wants back into her D17’s life and that would be great. I think she might be a little worried about the custody evaluation, that’s mind reading so I should not even go there. I tried talking to D17 about what was really wrong between her and her mom. She told me some things that if my mom had done, I would probably feel the exact same way she does. My ex asked me what was the problem between my D17 and her, I told her that I felt it would be best if they both just sat down and discussed that between the two of them. D17 has said every time she has tried to talk to her mom she doesn’t ever acknowledge what is wrong. Imagine that her mom refuses to acknowledge anything wrong. Everyone has told her the same thing, I think after I lost most all of my friends I would probably wake up and take notice.
I thought about what was important to me as a parent and as a man. Both of my girls need some stability in life and neither of them respect their mom. I don’t know what to do to change that because I don’t like seeing her disrespected. I asked myself if the ex has put herself in this position and I have to say yes! The things she is doing are her decisions and it is not my job to worry about the choices she makes in life. The ex told me she was putting the three of them in counseling to see if it would help with their behavior. I don’t have a problem with that and I also think when we go through this custody evaluation it could help identify some of our problems. I have my first appt. in 3 weeks.
I have found that I have been helping my D17 cope with a BF that is pretty immature. Actually they are both very immature and I see my D17 trying to do the right things but she has very low self esteem, I have been teaching her DB tactics to try and deal with both of their insecurities. She listens but does the same thing any person new to DB would do in the beginning. This is going to be a tough road for the both of them.
I am having a hard time forgiving. I know by now I should be at that point and it worries me that I haven’t been able to do that for myself. I know I have made just as bad of mistakes as she did at the end but why can’t I just forgive and move on with my life? I keep telling myself that I forgive the both of us for what we did to our children. I just haven’t been able to actually feel that at this point. Heck I am divorced I should be free of all of this stuff and start working on the next chapter.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
I am having a hard time forgiving. I know by now I should be at that point and it worries me that I haven’t been able to do that for myself. I know I have made just as bad of mistakes as she did at the end but why can’t I just forgive and move on with my life? I keep telling myself that I forgive the both of us for what we did to our children. I just haven’t been able to actually feel that at this point. Heck I am divorced I should be free of all of this stuff and start working on the next chapter.
I was in my guitar lesson the other day and I complained a little bit that I thought I should be further along than I am.
He said "you are where you are"
Look at that. A spiritual lesson in the most unlikely place.
Good to hear from you.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I had an e-mail conversation with my ex today and I initiated the conversation it was short and to the point.
Me: Do you have insurance on your car yet?
Ex: No, I haven’t done that, but I can today if you think I should.
Me: I think it would be fair, we are divorced.
Ex: no problem. Will do.
Me: Let me know so I can remove you from the policy.
I woke up today kind of pi$$ed at the way I have been just letting things slide. I have paid the insurance on her vehicle since day one. I am tired of getting walked on and I have had enough. I am tired of getting taken advantage of by being nice to someone that isn’t nice back. I just want things fair and in the divorce decree it states she is responsible for her own vehicle. I just know it made me feel good to stand up for myself today.
I might of did everything wrong in trying to save my marriage and it’s time to quit all the bullshirt that has led to nowhere. I need to get this custody evaluation done so I can breathe a little and hopefully both of my girls will be living with me full time. I need a break from D17’s drama and I need to do something for me to be happy.
I guess I need to explain D17’s drama. She has been seeing a therapist because her and her mom can’t get along. She told me that the therapist told her that as soon as she turns 18 she should move in with her BF for the sake of the baby. He!! They can’t stay together for a week without fighting I would say living together is definitely the answer. I think I am going to her next therapy session. Maybe I should push her towards living with him as soon as she turns 18 that way this is over before the baby comes in December.
I need to start venting more often because I am starting to get a bunch of crap on my plate.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
As most of you know I am divorced and I am in the middle of a custody evaluation for my D12. My ex doesn’t want to go through the evaluation (I think she can see the writing on the wall). My D17 is still living with me, so this is really about D12. On Sunday D12 was at my house and it was getting late so I suggested that we should probably take her home. She asked if she could stay the night and the rest of the week. It was her mom’s weekend and I didn’t want to push my luck with her staying but I said we can ask your mom and see if she agrees. Well the ex was sitting outside when we pulled up talking to D17’s BF they had broken up again. Well I ask him if D12 and I could talk to ex for a minute then he could talk when we are finished. So he left and D12 asked if she could spend the week at my house the ex agreed and D12 went inside to get her things. After D12 went inside the ex started telling me that I have turned into a wonderful father then she started ripping into me about being a bully and a selfish person. When she started yelling I got up and told her you are not going to talk to me like this and I started walking to my car. She followed a little and I wouldn’t acknowledge anything she said. She turned and walked in the house slamming the door. D12 came out with her stuff and we left.
She sent me an e-mail the next day telling me everything bad about me being a bully and selfish. I responded with facts, not the crap that she was spewing out and I have heard nothing back. That night D17 had to go to the hospital for some pains and stuff that worried me about her being pregnant and it turned out to be nothing. The ex was super sweet to me at the hospital. Night and day and I found that odd.
Last night D17’s BF comes over and tells me that after I left Sunday he went back and the ex was crying to him telling him how she missed me and loved me! He was upset because he didn’t know how the subject turned form him to her. I was kind of shocked at what he told me because 20 minutes before that and the next day I was the most evil man on the planet. Well I might not be the evil man she portrays me to be and it might be harder to show her He Woman Man Hater friend that I am.
I guess I must be getting tested full force now. I don’t understand how OM is still in the picture, yet she tells D17’s BF all this other stuff? Maybe that grass wasn’t as green as she thought. I won’t mind read and I will continue on my journey my way because I like the old new me! I also refuse to reach out to her because I know she has to be the one reaching out. This might be the beginning of a slight turn. Who knows I can’t get pulled back into the negative crap and I will not let that happen!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
