Aeolian I can see your concerns with getting typecasted. While it may be easy to see NMMNG as an attempt to create broad labels in order to drive book sales, I think it deals with something that is much more societal.
The main concept is that in many ways our boys are raised by women. It's not an attack on feminism per se, but instead a critique on the lack of male involvement and guidance in our societies men.
In prior times boys spent most of their time either in the fields, hunting grounds, or shops with their fathers uncles and other male role models. They learned to model male behavior, and learned to accept and look for male approval.
Instead now many boys are raised by women, through the education system, single parenthood, and the absence of men who no longer involve their sons in their jobs.
The book asserts that men instead are raised with female notions of what a man should be like, furthermore they are raised to seek constant female approval, and neglect self approval, and the approval of other males.
In other words we think we are just doing what we can to be "fair" and make the women of our lives happy. When in reality we are really being needy, and insecure trying to win the love and affection of those we love by constantly cow towing to them.
In schnarch terms we have become so dependent on the approval of our W's that we constantly seek reassurance from them to cement that emotional fusion we think will lead to happiness. Meanwhile our partners see through this and run in an attempt to differentiate.
That's where the stealth contracts come in. "I will be a good husband but you better reciprocate" when they don't we lose our temper and become "not so nice". Our W's see through this and become suspicious of your niceness since they know there are strings attached.
You said your wife wants you to be a cool guy. That's just another way of saying she wants you to man up. A female acquaintance once told me: " I want a man that can stand up to me, not because I want to be intimidated, but because I can't trust a man will stand up for me and protect me, if he wont stand up for himself to me". This quote came from someone who is very strong independent kinda like your wife sounds.
NMMNG isn't an attempt to create a new psychosis, but a critique of the way our society raises it's boys.
