Devastated

[Sad_but_happy]

I know Julz... I remember. The pain fades but you never forget the feeling.

It's as if your heart will explode.

All you can do is live for today. Live for you. Live for your kids.

And from that good things will come.

I wish I could be there with you. Just to hug you.

And though it does not seem like it now, it will get better.

Stay strong.

For you! For your kids!

[Julz]

I know I deserve better. But he left so suddenly.

We had so many plans. I just can't work out how he could make all these plans with me, then say sorry not happy I'm gone. I spoke to the OW's ex and he said not to worry have a bet on how long before he comes home. I don't know why he said that.

My husband is a completely different person at the moment. He's trying to forget his previous life.

I just want to get past this hurt. I know it's only been 8 weeks (and we were together 14), but I have no patience!

[Sad_but_happy]

Julz,

The OW's x is saying your H will be back because he knows her.

The true her.

Listen, my W had an EA.

I'm sure to the OM my W was the greatest thing in the world.

And I'm sure to my W OM was the greatest thing.

But trust me when I tell you that OM DID NOT know my W. And my W did not know him.

It's easy to live in the make believe world of a A. No fighting, kids, bills, stress...

Where everything is unicorns and rainbows.


If OM knew my REAL W he would have run-4-Zee-hills!!!

I know this to be true. Because I live with my real W.


I'm not saying my W is bad or not worthy of love or that she can't find someone to love her.

I'm just saying it's make believe. At least in the moment...

Your H is living in a make believe world. As is the OW.

Stay in reality Julz. It's better here.


As for patience, you're early in your sitch.

I think a better word is to cope. At least for now. One day at a time. And it will get better!

[Julz]

I had a chat (via email) with my SIL last night. She understands why I want him back but thinks he's made up his mind. I told her my side of the story and why I think it was so sudden. She also admitted that she didn't know who her brother was anymore - which most of his friends agree with too - he's in a major fantasy world at present - doesn't really want to talk to any of his old friends, his kids etc.

The OW does have a daughter - but she seems to be palmed off at her dad's or her grandma's most of the time. Yes it is easy to be all romantic etc when life doesn't get in the way. He doesn't remember once before kids (and we were together for 8 years before having kids) that we were like that too!

He's coming to pick the kids up tomorrow - I still don't know whether to contact to be distant and unemotional, or to be friendly, ask him if he wants a coffee, ask him for some advice on a computer problem I have (he works in IT). Last time he was here I was very distant.

[a girl]

I've been going with "friendly but business-like". I'm not interested in socializing with him while he's involved with someone else.

My H stands on the porch when he drops S7 off - he doesn't get invited in. However, I'm always pleasant and nice - I'm not going to be rude, but I don't draw the conversation out. Just "How was he? What did he have for dinner? Great, thanks! Bye now!"

[Julz]

That's how I have been. He's asked me questions about my car and other stuff (I had a minor accident in my car last week) - but havne't answered him as I don't feel it's any of his business at present. A friend said maybe I should be friendly. But I think I'll keep on this same path at present. I agree there is no point doing anything much at all whilst he is with her. He came in last time, and will be this week as well as he has to take some more stuff from the house. But he doesn't go past the kitchen (which is just past the entry way) - i.e. he doesn't go near the bedrooms etc.

[Julz]

My husband denies having an affair. He was chatting on FB in our bed, sending texts and emails to her for at least a month before he left me - they discussed our marriage and sex life at length. Niether of them see a problem in that - I obviously know better. They both claim that the feelings they had for each other only occured after he left - she reckons he asked him if he left me for her, and he said no. Still he started a relationship with her less then 4 weeks after leaving me - of those 4 weeks 2 of those he was overseas with me on holidays. How stupid does he think I am? A week after they started dating (a week after we both changed our Facebook status from married to seperated) they both changed their Facebook status to in a relationship. My husband works in IT - he not a facebook freak - this is completely out of the norm for him. Until recently she was still a FB friend of mine. I know I should have defriended her but it felt like my last connection to him (he defriended me the night I found out they had feelings for each other). The only things she would post would be about how amazing her weekend was, or pictures of a romantic lunch for 2. I feel like she was saying haha I'm now screwing your husband. As of Monday she defriended me and her Facebook account has either been hidden completely or she disabled it.

[~ kd ~]

You're doing fine, Julz...

FB has the block feature, my W did that to me. She unfriended me and then blocked me.

Do what you can to GAL, with and without the kids. It will help to occupy your conscious mind.

take care of yourself...

[Julz]

Actually I thought she might have blocked me - but I've had other people search for her and they can't find her either (they wanted to see what she looked like).

I am doing my best to GAL. I know that over the years I'm become a homebody. H even told me he expects that I won't get out. I know for me I need to get out and meet some new people. Work is flat out at present (I do tax and it's tax time here in Australia) but whenever I can I do get out and about and try to enjoy myself. People have even told me to do some dating - but I can't. I don't want him to know that I have completely moved on, plus I don't think it's fair to me, or the person I would date. I'm still emotionally scarred and healing. I still love my H and want him back more then anything in the world.

[Julz]

So this morning as the first time I've seen H in a fortnight. He came to pick the kids up - was due at nine, but was here 15 minutes early - he had emailed me earlier in the week and said he was going to get some more stuff out the lounge room today (htpc, speakers, amp etc) so when he arrived early I thought that was what he was doing. But he just said hi, I said morning. He came in and asked if the kids were ready. I got them to hurry up. He said he wanted to get the extra seats for his car out the garage - I said ok - he went in the garage, said ohhh when he saw my car, got the seats and put them in his car. He then came back inside and talked to the kids. They told him about their teeth falling out. He then got them moving to pack their stuff in the car. Told them he was taking them to the whale festival tonight (something we always went together too - obviously why he wanted his extra seats - is taking her and her daughter plus someone else). I then remembered his mail and told him it was there. He grabbed it and then said he got the child support letter. I said great I'll give you my bank account details to put the money into. He then told the kids to kiss me and off he went. I blew kisses to the kids as they drove off and he waved. He didn't even want to look me in the eye this morning.