for now, i am spending as much time with my family as i can. Work is very accomodating and i was home by 330 today. Made my kids dinner, had a swim and went to soccer.
I have told all my children that mom is confused with her life right now. That i cant keep forcing mom to come and visit and to call them. I told them that we had to focus on our family staying as it is right now without mom around. They asked some questions of me, but all in all, they excepted it as best they could and they now that they are loved and none of this is their fault. Its mom not knowing what she is doing at the moment.
I have felt oddly calm the last day or so. I am laughing with my kids and friends constantly and just feel good. I am sure this will change as the roller coaster continues, but i am enjoying it at this moment, and i know these moments will get longer and longer.
So i guess i have dropped the rope and taken back me. From here on, i dont know, one day at a time.
no one told her. she hasnt talked to anyone. was extremly cold, but what did i really expect. she doesnt love me anymore. She is still not calling the kids, missed her visit tonight. She doesnt lover herself right now, let alone anyone else.
I had no urges to watch my phone, actually left it in my car most of the day, and just returned my calls as i needed to.
Im a little concerned that im not upset or feeling much about not dealing with her. Even D7 was okay at soccer tonight, and didnt ask a thing about her mom.
has been a very busy weekend, family reunion that i didnt go to but my mom and dad took D7 and S9. S13 and S15 were at their dads.
I worked around the house, played pool with the neighbours and my sister in law took me shooping for groceries and we each bought a pair of rollerblades while we were out.
So the new GAL for me is to learn how to roller blade. Not easy at all, fell a few times in the garage. found if i hang on to the car, and just do circles around it, i might eventually be able to do it! lol
the weekend was good, i watched some movies with the guys, and we just hung out.
W has not called the house, me or the kids. My BIL is starting to get really mad at his sister as he keeps getting requests for facebook games from W on his facebook account. he sent a nasty message that pretty much said,`
its nice to see you can spend hours out of your day playing stupid fuc/%$" games on facebook, yet you cant take 5 minutes and call the kids.
i asked him to stop sending her stuff like that. She has to make her decisions on her own, and not have us push her to do things.
To me its obvious that she hasnt hit rock bottom yet. wonder how long until she doesÉ
this morning i get a text msg from wife, and it said that shw has been using this time away wisely and getting her sh&^ together. She cant rush this decision, and she wants to meet for coffee on monday.
What i got out of that was
She is once again missing her weekend with the kids!
since our discussion about why i have been so insistant about her fixing this with the kids and my illness, she hasnt said two words to me about it.
I believe starsky you said it best when you said that was cold.
The funny thing is, she doesnt even know that i cant drink coffee anymore.
I did respond and i told her that i didnt understand what decision she thinks i am trying to rush. The option of her coming home is off the table. all i want at this point is for her to remember that she is a mom. To start making her kids a priority.
My MIL has been home all week trying to help with the kids, as im on my second round of chemo and i am very sick and run down. I have spent most of this week in bed and doing a whole lot of nothing. She told me tonight that she texted her daughter to tell her that she needs to come and take care of her children. That i am very sick and cant do it right now. There was no response.
I gotta ask, how do you get family members to back off, to leave things alone. I know she is trying to help, but it just adds more pressure. I have told her repeatedly to not get involved. I told her the same thing tonight, and she said she cant stand to see me go through this and try to be a dad at the same time. To which i replied, I will get through this, i will do the best i can and thats all i can do.
You don't get to tell your MIL how she gets to feel about all of this. She is a grown woman, and will make her own decisions about what she wants to say to her daughter, etc. Don't try to control that; neither encourage her nor discourage her to say anything particular to your wife.
Did you agree to meet your wife on Monday? I'd strongly suggest that you not, or at least say "Monday doesn't work for me. I'll be back in touch soon and perhaps we can talk some more." Don't be at her beckon call.
Man, that's cold.