Feels Like I'm In Two-a-Days

[MadeToSucceed]

I never responded to her message on blackberry.

Now she sends another:

W: Are you mad at me? If so I understand. I won't keep messaging you or calling...

That's all I can see because I haven't opened that message yet. I don't understand what she's trying to do here! I'm just trying to make it through today and my Accounting exam tonight and then find a way to get all my belongings out of "her" house by the end of Friday. I'd love NOTHING more than to talk to her but geesh...it's like she just wants to talk to me to make sure "I'm ok" but then at the same time, keep on doing as she has been. I know life isn't fair but that stance from her certainly is not, in my opinion.

[~ kd ~]

hmmmm... what if you said you WERE mad at her...?

Do you think she'd REALLY understand...? Or would she try to push your feelings of upset back on you, since you are certainly the maker of your bed...

just tossing that out there...

[Queen_of_Swords]

My interpretation?
She's anxious. You've withdrawn, now she's reaching out.
Did you read the distance and chase essay here?

Now, you can allay her anxiety, or she's going to have to deal with it on her own and probably come to the wrong conclusion. If that doesn't bother you and you can clear that up after the day is done...that might be one choice you might make.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

mgm,

If not mad, what are you?

I do have a question for you, you have all these things to be doing...what are you doing here? Accounting exam tonight right?

Kaffe's suggestion...a part of me likes. To be honest.

The other part of me...well that's why I asked what do you feel.

And that is why I like Scylla's suggestion.


Scylla, you know I'm not the mod in this playground, just be careful with links.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Whups, Sorry Jack. Thought it was ok as it had been posted previously.
Nonetheless, the description of the dynamic is excellent.

[♪CS♪]

it's like she just wants to talk to me to make sure "I'm ok" but then at the same time, keep on doing as she has been

I think this is a good observation. This also makes her feel that if you’re ok, she’s ok.

Now you being strong and “OK” is good. But what you don’t want to convey is that you are “OK with her decisions and actions.” This is what she really wants to hear.

[cjackson968]

Mgm

I signed up on this site to support you. I've been reading your story for the last 2 weeks and thought I need to give you my testimony. I have a strong belief in faith and know the battles you are fighting. I've been in your shoes, I know the demons that you are fighting, the tears, the depression, the hurt, reading into every little thing that she says, etc...

My wife had an A in 2008. I did everything to get her back. Acccording to this site all the wrong things. One thing I had is my faith. She left the house and moved to another state with my S8 and S4 and the OM. I too was in school finishing up my degree at the time she left. Sitting in an empty house, losing my Fam, Dealing with those emotions and the tremendous loss, I luckily pulled C's in all 4 classes I was taking. I'm an "A" student.

Talk to God, he is the answer. DB is a great site for giving you some direction, but always remember only you know what feels right and feels wrong. Everything that you are told no matter who it comes from is not always right nor the right thing to do for your situation... I'm not trying to confuse you just trying to help (to be continued, on my way home from work)

[cjackson968]

I posted earlier but not sure if it will be posted to the forum...

To reiterate what I said... I understand exactly what MGM is going through. I have been watching his posts for the last two weeks and felt I needed to give my testimony.

I have been in the same position before. In 2008 my W had an PA. We tried getting counseling from my pastor, attending marriage classes at the church, etc. On the weekends my W would leave the house as soon as I got home from work and stay out all night and come home the following day... During this time I was friendly and she was distant, however, we had our good days and bad days and there were even times when we were intimate, etc.
However, she continued with her PA and stated for me to not get the wrong impression. She insisted, no matter what happened between us she felt the same way about me and was over our marriage and has moved on and told me to do the same.

This type of R continued for about 8-9 months until one day she said she was leaving and about 2 weeks later she packed up the house and took my S7 and S4 to live out of state with the OM. About two weeks later I lost my job. I was devastated... However, I leaned on my faith and God who carried me. (To be continued..)

[MadeToSucceed]

Now, you can allay her anxiety, or she's going to have to deal with it on her own and probably come to the wrong conclusion. If that doesn't bother you and you can clear that up after the day is done...that might be one choice you might make.

This is the route I chose...I waited until before my exam and just sent a simple response:

Me: Work, Bible Study, worked on some notes and last minute studying. Busy day! Just now took a moment to breathe before my exam. Here goes nothing!

I came out of my exam and she'd responded: "You got this!"

[MadeToSucceed]

mgm,

If not mad, what are you?

I do have a question for you, you have all these things to be doing...what are you doing here? Accounting exam tonight right?

I think right now I'm just overwhelmed with everything that has to be done. I don't know if mad is the right feeling. I have moments of anger but I don't like to sit in them long. As I said before, it just makes things more difficult on me in my opinion.

I was at work posting yesterday in between appointments before my exam. The exam wasn't until 8 so I took the time from when I got off (about 4:30) right up until 8 to fully focus on my exam.

Ultimately, I went with Scylla's suggestion.