Thanks all for stopping in. I appreciate all your thoughts.

Still no MC done or scheduled.
I respect all of you and I am not dismissing what 25yearsMLC said.
Heres the thing. I have worked for 4 yrs to save this M from a D. I am not willing to just give up on it becuase others say I should. I am standing for my M for today. Who knows how I will feel tommorow or the next day - or next year....Time will tell.

I love my H, even as a Drunk. I hate some of his choices. But I am not quitting yet. I am the only one that can decide that. I have slowed down our Dating drastically this past two weeks only seeing my H 2times and possible tonight for dinner. I am doing this so that I can focus on me. I need to be and feel healthy right now and catch up on many things in my busy life. So, H and I have slowed things down and I feel it gives him more time to think, think about all the reality of our sitch. Some drunks do recover and turn to A.A. I really still have that hope that my H will too. If or untill that time comes Or until I cant take any more - I am still standing. My emotions are finally getting to a point where I dont obsess over him every day and worry about him - now I consentrate only on Me and my Life and My future. I am happier. I am more confident and I have told H that I dont need to be with him, I just want to be with him. SO we will see what the future will hold. I am not afraid of getting hurt worse. Becuase, I know there is no worse than the way I felt in the past. I reached my bottom long ago and I am now on the way up and healing. A divorce is about all I have left to fear, and if even that were to end up happening - I know I will be fine and dandy and my life would probably be much easier without my H, but definetly it would still be sad as any and all D's are in my opinion. I know I would hurt for as long as I needed to feel the pain, get over it, and pick myself up - dust myself off - and start over. My hopes and dreams are of making my M last and work. I have faith that something wonderful and beautiful could still come out of our R with time. So I leave it to God, and in the meantime I am enjoying life.

This weekend I am going camping with 2 of my best girl friends. It shall be interesting and exciting, no guys coming to help us damsels so it will also be empowering. I just pray the black bears leave us and our food alone.
Peace all, I'm Out.
TIPPER