And the beat goes on...

[Gnosis]

I applaud your efforts to improving yourself. Just FYI, I spent the time today reading through ALL your posts. I didn't go into detail on all the responses you have received so I could have missed if someone had written this to you already.

Your premise: "Women respect men who respect themselves."

Part of the self-respect that you have missed out on is: "Women respect men who will stand up to them and not take their crap."

How have you done this? You allowed her to:

... continue her affair, in your own home... without any consequences.

... blatantly flaunt it in your face... without any consequences.

... chase you out of your own home (because you could not stand to be in the house with her)

... manipulate you by using guilt against you so you would turn a blind eye and allow her to justify to herself why

And MY list could go on...

You have allowed her to use you. You knew you were being used (listen to your gut) but chose to look away and for excuses to explain her behavior. Wake up man! She is having a full blown affair right in your face and you sit there playing nanny?

Here are my recommendations to you. Not many have the courage to do them.

1) Explain to her very succinctly with as few words as possible ASAP: "I've been doing some thinking and you know what? I finally get it, you want OM and you can have him. Go and be happy. I wish you the best. Because of that I've decided that the minute you walk out that door we're done."

2) Drop your "long-suffering knight in shining armor" act and stop being there for her. No more rescuing. She has made the decision let her be an adult and figure her own way out of this. It is disrespectful for her to expect you to pay her way while she is with another man.

That means no more Mr Nanny for SS21. He is not your son. As much as you love him there is not much you can do for him. He is HER responsibility.

2) Go and see a lawyer ASAP. Find out your LEGAL rights and take action to protect yourself by filing for D or get a legal separation agreement. DO NOT WAIT for her to file first. This is not an honor thing or a "I'm not going to be the one to file" thing. That's pure stupidity.

She has been PROVEN to be very, very cunning. Leading you on, giving you tidbits of conversations whenever she is getting her way.... and all the time you're interpreting this as her "coming out of the fog." Here's the blatant truth, THERE IS NO FOG. She knows EXACTLY what she is doing. She did it before (only you were the OM remember?)

If you're thinking she will snap out of it by you being a nice guy then look at her track record. I bet her XH is a nice guy too. He must be. He puts up with all her sh!t just like you do. That is not the only thing to look at, her affair with you lasted for 10 years.

She is not using the same moral compass as you are. Protect yourself. Stand up FOR yourself. Expect the anger that will come and brush it aside. And here's something for you to keep in mind: She will RESPECT you for standing up for yourself.

Don't let her guilt you and manipulate you any longer.