Walking in Muskeg - Part IV - Squishy Rubber Boots

[Queen_of_Swords]

Journaling -

Discovered something about myself recently.

I thought I had been making progress on listening empathetically. I have shut my mouth more, interjected less, and am really, really trying to be less directive/final in my statements.

Apparently I was missing something.


It has been brought to my attention that even when a man says,
"Don't do _______.

I tend to gloss it over in some way as either not serious or insignificant.

I think I may have done this for a couple of reasons.
First I think it's because guys' delivery is so different to that of women - more low key, less tonal variation, less emphatic/expressive?
Second it's definitely because I was never listened to either. I base this on the fact I come from a very loud family. There were a lot of us and none of got the attention we really needed so there was a lot of shouting and attention getting behaviour to be noticed, let alone listened to and heard.

All this feeds into this so that, when a man says he's unhappy in some way with what I'm doing, I figure HE hasn't heard me clearly or understood and I redouble my efforts! My program pattern...if it doesn't work the first time do it over and work harder, faster, longer, more, more, more!

Of course the guy feels dismissed. Of course he doesn't feel heard or respected. Major freaking duh!

How crazy is that?

Now that I know I'll be changing this pronto!