Well, pulled out a new pad of drawing paper last night, and started drawing. What I have in progress is no masterpiece, but it is OK for a first attempt in YEARS (literally).
Was just trying to come up with something that I used to do when I had my own life - something I liked, that I was proud of. Something that was me.
W never came around to look. I figure if she is ever interested in what I am doing, she will express curiosity.
Right now, this is one thing I am doing that is just about me. The one thing I want right now is to be a person I wouldn't be bored being around. Up to this point I have had nothing to talk about, nothing interesting in my life beyond my responsibilities to my family. A worthy goal to be sure, but I think that my company would inspire snores more than anything else.
I think more than that, having something that I love, something I am passionate about, makes me feel more like a person, rather than a machine that carries out its function and then turns off (sleeps) at night.
Had something interesting happen to me today. I actually got into a conversation with someone at work. She is a young, pleasant sort. Don't worry - I didn't even THINK about having an A. She was talking about the business trip her husband was on, and we talked about careers and such. Really a brief conversation, but I kept it alive for a little while by asking questions about her situation and life. Probably doesn't seem like much to most, but for me it was a HUGE step forward. Most of my life I haven't known how to engage in "small talk," and I get uncomfortable and anxious when there is nothing specific to talk about. My therapist has been telling me for a while that I need to forget about myself and ask questions about the other person. And today I finally got the opportunity to try it, and it worked! If you still don't get what's the big deal...well, it's an Asperger thing, you wouldn't understand Now, I actually know a little better how to talk to people, and might actually make some friends - wow, what a concept! And better yet, I need to start practicing that skill with W (when she talks to me. Don't want to pursue). I think she might just be happy to see that I have found a new way to show interest in what she has to say.
By the way, W asked me how my day was yesterday! It was a little forced. That's not a bad thing - it let me know that she was doing it on purpose, which shows me that she wants our marriage to get better, even if her emotional state right now leaves her incapable of making more forceful efforts. That's OK. She has waited so long for me to start doing something. I can wait for her. She is so worth it.
Slow day at work. I can get a little reading in.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
Now, I actually know a little better how to talk to people, and might actually make some friends - wow, what a concept! And better yet, I need to start practicing that skill with W (when she talks to me. Don't want to pursue). I think she might just be happy to see that I have found a new way to show interest in what she has to say. 
