My feelings are changing...sitch isn't

[AJM]

To say you have some good advice and perspective here, is an understatement.

Congrats on the job Tad. Really, you did a great job.

And pat yourself on the back for having a conversation with your W for 1.5 hours. Many would kill for less than that. I think it took a lot of courage for you to do that.

But it strikes me that you have your answer even if you don't like it. She said she felt like she had to run far away. She did, right? She is not willing to go back to "that" place. I doubt you blame her for that; you don't want to go back to pain either. But what really comes out in that is that it is NOT about you. Don't you see that, Tad? She left because she didn't know what else to do. She is lost and confused regardless of how "sure" she seems of herself.

You asking her to talk about the relationship? She gave you an answer and told you how tired she was. She told you how she sweated blood over this. Does that sound like somebody who is sure or somebody who wants the pain to stop?

My thoughts? You are sorry she feels that way, and wish her well in her new life. As for you, I suspect you won't be able to have conversations and be friends with her at this point. Constant conversation can make it difficult when you are in pain. To show you care makes it harder for her. Sounds weird doesn't it?

Think about those things as you process this Tad. It is not about you. That's clear. That means that the things she blames you for are...well cr*p. And excuses. But only she can address the issues she has. You cannot. You can decide if you're going to stand or not. And what that means in terms of action.

Step back and look at the entire situation Tad. Start by knowing you aren't perfect, but it wasn't about you or your perfections or imperfections. Realize you can't change it and let go of that trying to change it. It only hurts you both more. She knows how you feel. She doesn't know how she feels. She says BS regardless most likely in an attempt to make herself feel better. It is what it is. But you need to be strong for you Tad. For your boys. Possibly for later if she decides to come back and if you still want that when or if that happens. Work on you now Tad.

AJ