@ Starsky. Thank you. It was really hard to separate the w I wish she was from the w she is showing me. It hurts like h3ll but I'm glad I did what i did. She definitely feels entitled though!
@aeo. Totally agree with you. I feel like I am growing every day. She called me yesterday. I guess when you freeze an account, it closes it. The bank gave me different info than she did. Her response "so are you calling me a liar!". I validated her feelings but said, no I am not. I am just saying there are discrepancies but I am concerned that if the check is written out to her (which is what she said). Said I feel uncomfortable with if it was written to me. All in one ear, out the other.
I guess I was speaking more towards what she said.. that she cares about me, but some days she wants me in her life, some days she doesn't. The days that she does.. she reaches out. The days she doesn't.. she doesn't. She makes the decision every day... most days.. it's the latter. She doesn't know why it doesn't work for her, it just doesn't. 90% not talking to me, 10% talking at this point.
We are still married via FB. I really struggle with de-friending her. I never look on her page, but she does mine. I know if I do, she will see that as me being angry. It's really hard for me because every thing I do that would help myself would not bring me closer to my w. But letting her walk in and out is not healthy for me. I'm going around in circles.. but I just want to start taking care of me and get it through me head. "If I am truly helping myself, and I am not intentionally hurting her, that I am ok with the outcome".
Oh and I struggle with this thought. I have not given her a chance to miss me. The 10% she reaches out to me, I respond. But I feel if I do that, she won't miss me.. she will get angry at me instead.
Ugh.. I'm exhausted!!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
