Too Tired To Fight

[aeolianchaos]

Having her in my life.. hinders my personal growth. I am too angry and hurt at her to be the person I want to be. I expect that she cares, and want her love soo bad and that is stopping me from being the person I want to be. It's not an excuse, it's just the truth. I need to heal, and I need to forgive.. I can't do that right now. I definitely cant do it when she dips in and out of my life

Val - I can see why you would feel this way. It looks like you feel that her continued presence, at this time, is making it much more challenging for you to heal your wounds.

I want to put it out there that in its own way, having this situation is a tremendous opportunity for your personal growth.

You are growing when you learn to accept where you are and not force yourself into a situation because of what someone else might do.

You are growing when you decide that you are no longer going to be reactive to her reactiveness. You will still feel a lot of things, but you don't have to let it be the thing that dictates where you go with it.

You want her to love you, right? Then you need to, more than ever, be yourself and love yourself despite whatever she does. This isn't feel good stuff... it's probably going to scare the cr@p out of you for a while but if you hang with it, I think it will help you grow in a way that you might have not imagined.