Yes, I would agree with that statement. I know - and he's told me - that he feels so guilty about everything. I have told him - in all sincerity - that even though I love him more than anything, that I want him to be happy, and if that doesn't include me then so be it. I've given him so many opportunities to just say 'okay its done, this is over, I want a divorce' without any backlash from me. He always says he acknowledges that I have given him so many outs, but he says he just doesn't know. He doesn't think our marriage could ever work again, but he is worried that he would be making a huge mistake. He is very unhappy and he struggles with what makes him unhappy. He tells me he is torn, b/c he is no happier living away from us then he was living with us. I think he thought once he moved out that happiness would naturally follow. But he tells me that nothing makes him happy - not even any of his favourite things, like golfing etc. Which is why he finally went to talk to someone and agree to try the antidepressants.
Anyways, I haven't told him I forgive him though - as I am not quite there yet, and it would be a lie at this point. I know that the great friendship we have now is crucial to us raising our children successfully together. I read through other posts, and I am just shocked at some of the horrible things their spouses say to them. I just can't believe some people would be so cruel. My H and I haven't said one harsh word to each other since the beginning of our separation. We are always friendly and if anything, I think we both go out of our way to be even nicer to each other than usual. At first, it was a huge struggle to be nice to him, but now its completely natural (another example of one of my 180's no longer being a 180). I almost wonder if he did say such mean things to me etc, that walking away might be a little more obvious. I know he's probably just paving the way to a mess-free divorce, but its hard for me to believe that he would pursue being intimate out of guilt, or that he would hang out and watch a movie or something out of guilt. But its probably true Guilt and horniness. Maybe that's all it is. But I do know that he loves me enough to want me to be happy as well. We both want that for each other, its just too bad we can't figure out how to make each other happy TOGETHER.
