I thought I knew how to DB and I thought I had this all figured out. I was wrong.
I guess I really knew something was suspicious. A few weeks back my W was having a problem with her laptop and asked me a question about it. When I started to walk downstairs to take a look she rushed to it first. I then started noticing she kept it close.
Today I snooped. I'm such a sucker. Never would have believed she would be unfaithful. In her history I saw that she had a secret yahoo account. She had also been frequenting the facebook page of an old BF. More on that later.
I probably could have found my way into the email account but I know enough about db to know I had probably gone far enough.
We've been separated for about a month. For the second time
The first separation happened 6 years ago. Right after she had gone to a funeral and ran into an old flame. Not the same one. She came back from that and looking back I know she was working through guilt. Whether anything happened I don't know but I've always believed it did not. Today I don't know.
After that our marriage spiralled down. I made all the mistakes. Pursued terribly, everything.
I later found db. Bought all the materials and studied them.
This time when it happened I was more knowledgeable. Told her to go ahead and move out that night.
Things have been amicable. We kiss and spend time together. Much of the time it feels like things are actually better and getting better. But that was all before today.
Today I realize that my wife that I thought was so full of integrity has been lying. I don't know if there has been a physical affair but I'd say there's a pretty strong chance of an EA.
She had been checking her secret email pretty regularly. She's on FB a lot but not many posts. She must be doing a lot of private messaging.
SO
Way back when we were in our 20's and dating she was actually also seeing an older married man. Turns out he was actually stringing along at least 5 young girls. One day he moves out of the area and she packs her bags to follow him. She thinks he's leaving his wife for her. So did 5 other girls. Later she ends up going up to see him anyway. Sleeps with him. She comes back we break up.
Years later we end up dating again off and on. And a few years later we marry.
She's always been afraid this guy would show up. Afraid of what I don't know. But thank you facebook. Several months back her sister says he's asked about her. A few months later she ends up friending him on facebook. The other day she reposts a song he wrote. She attended a party awhile back that many of his mutual friends (band members) also attended. I don't think he was there but maybe I'm wrong.
So this guy that she has been treated so badly by. That she has severe emotional scars from probably worse than I know. And she's going to his fb page pretty regularly. I assume to PM him. And probably emailing pretty regularly. WTF!
That was a kick in the gut today.
But I don't know what to do now. Do I expose that I know? Do I not? Do I tell family? Do I go dark?
I guess it's time to protect myself financially.
I thought I knew db'ing but I never imagined db'ing from here. I'm at a loss.
I thought it best to not do anything until I figured it out.
I don't even know what I want.
Somebody point me in the right db direction please!!!
Strangely I don't feel as bad as I would imagine. I actually feel strong in a way. I'm thinking maybe subconsciously I knew more and was maybe hiding it from myself.
I do know that I felt she was hiding something. Her dad says she "Holds her cards to close to her chest"
I'm kind of a sucker. I trust people too much. I just never thought I had to worry about trusting her. My best friend.
I have noticed she's not doing to well lately. She's edgy. She broke down last night and her dad picked her up. He's not happy nor is her mom. She was pretty upset at having to listen to him. Evidently didn't like what he had to say to much. I didn't ask.
Wow. I can't believe I'm here. But I don't imagine anyone else can either. So hello.
