A girl, as far as what she needs to do to come home, well that would be to be honest about things going forward. I dont need to hear anything about her A with OM. I want her to be honest about why and what was the cause. To this day, she can still not say what made her do this. But i did hear a little about it the other day. When she said, I just poured another drink. She is drinking daily, and doing drugs daily.
I had a good day with a friend who has supported me throughout this little battle i am having. She is an alcoholic, and she told me the first step towards bettering herself was when my wife told me that she was relying on alcohol to get through the day.
alone, you and me both are shocked about the way she has treated her kids. They wont forget this, and if she doesnt fix it soon, well she might lose them for a long time.
Country, the current situation is not working for me. I am very tired all the time and worn down. I drive kids to soccer 4 nights a week and i have been spending an hour and a half everytime she comes for a visit. This wears me out very quickly.
Currently, I want my kids to have both their mom and dad who love them and who are there for them every day. Unfortunately, i can only control what i do, not what she does.
I have decided that what is best for my kids is to have both parents under the same roof. No matter what the personal cost to me. I can deal with my personal issues with my wife. I can put on a smile and be happy around her. I have been doing it for 16 months. I truley believe this is what is best for my children.
If things take a turn for the worse for me, i will be much happier knowing that i did all that i could for my family and that includes my wife. I believe that once i calm down a little more, I will meet her for coffee and hear what she has to say. I will not let her come home unless whe is willing to go to an I.C. and work through some of her issues.
As for my marriage, i have decided that it is done. I need to let it fall to the side, focus on me and get my family back on track. If things are ment to work out, they will. But right now, this is taking too much energy from me and causing me too much stress.
If things take a turn for the worse for me, i will be much happier knowing that i did all that i could for my family and that includes my wife.
I would advise you, though, to set some conditions (like going to AA or rehab) before she comes home. The best thing for your kids is if their mom gets the help she needs to get sober. And if there is any way you can find the time to go to some Alanon meetings, it may help you.
Also - if she sounds like she really does want to get a grip on her drinking - this sounds bad, but maybe telling her about your diagnosis would be the push she needs to get sober.
Well, this weekend was an interesting one. My w decided to disappoint the kids after promising to go and see them on sunday at my moms. My D7 called her multiple times and she didnt answer. Monday, i picked up D7 and took her to my MILs bf place for a girls day in hopes that it would pick up her spirits.
As soon as D got in the car, she asked me to take her to her moms home. I did and she went and knocked on the door. No answer, now the OM jeep was in the lane way, the tv was on and visible through the window, so my daughter started kicking the door until her mom answered. Her mom then decided to come to MIL's with daughter.
An hour drive without a word between us. D7 asked why she didt visit and W started talking about something on the side of the road to change the subject. At that point, i said nothing to her the entire way.
Today, i got a text, "is having me worth all the aggrivation between us?" i did not answer her for about 6hours. I called her with my reply. I told her at this stage it wasnt about her and me. It was about her and her children. I wanted her to reconnect with her children and fix those relationships. That is why i made that offer to her. I also told her that i had been diagnosed with cancer and that was a big factor in why i was trying to get her home with her kids. I told her there was nothing else i could give her to make her choice to come home any easier. I was nice, acted happy, drove her to and from OM house for her visits, opened my home to her. I never yelled or treated her badly. I had nothing else to give.
I also told her that if she was not going to be a constant in the kids life, she needed to stay away. This dropping in every 2 weeks and making promises and not keeping them was hurting our children. My job is to protect those kids, and i will seek legal action for sole custody if she continued.
She was silent through that entire conversation, i asked her if she had anything to say or any questions she wanted to ask, she replied not now so i said goodbye, the kids had soccer tonight and i hung up.
What more can i do for this women? She needs to figure out what she wants in life and act. I have done everything i can, its time to focus on my health and my kids.
I finalized all of my legal issues regarding my will and living will this weekend and all my finances are in order now. So if something does happen, my kids future is protected at least financially.
On the matter of the kids, do you have a living will, a standard will, and custody arrangements for the kids in the event that something (knock on wood) happens to you...?
So what would custody look like if you met your maker sooner than desired. And never mind the cancer that you are fighting off... what about accidental death?
Would you be OK with custody being transfered to your wife, alone...?
custody falls to my mother in law and her. my lawyer tied that into my last will and testiment. As my wife left and my Mother in Law is the biological grandparent of all 4 children and she currently resides in the same house as me and the kids. The law allows me to leave custodial care to her and my wife would have to fight this in court. the chances of her winning against my mother in law who stayed and raised the children after their mother left would be slim. The will leaves all my assets divided equally between my children held in trust thru my sister and mother. I have a monthly allowance for the children's expenses to be given to mother in law. If she doesnt have the kids, the money stays in trust until all my kids are 25 yrs old.
