Here's an exercise for you, if you would humour me on this:
Could you define the following two words for me?
+ Advice
+ Feedback
~~~~~~
Also... would you be able to give me just ONE example of something that you were 100% committed to.
By that, I mean not only was it something that you wanted, and something that you were prepared to go to great risk to achieve, and finally achieved. Something that was one of the greatest achievements in your life...
thx...
I never thought about definitions of advice and feedback - but I would say as a book editor, I can advise people to make changes to their books by suggesting things that *aren't already there* - or taking out parts of things that are there.
Feedback is kinda like what's there and I give input on it - comments, critique, opinion, etc.
But it's a little blurry that line.
Does that answer that question?
I'm 100% committed to mothering/raising a kid - that has been a great achievement for me so far.
Other than that, probably self growth. Also my work - even though I'm changing careers - building my business and being excellent at what I do.
Another question, LG... If you could answer, SVP...
If there was ONE THING that you could change in yourself... what would that be...?
The first two answers I will reject... I would like you to please be as honest with yourself as possible... dig for the first two and then really dig for that third...
That is the one I want to know about.
thx...
Um.
Lord. I'm usually pretty quick to answer even deep questions. But I gotta get up and walk around and think about this some.
The personal wounds I carry around. My fears.
Um...
My inability - sometimes - to be happy ... with small things. With easy things. I complicate stuff. I want to keep it simple and find pleasure in small joys - I think I do more now than ever, but I still crave a different life.
This is an aside - but so weird. I just went in and thanked BF for putting her to sleep and also for helping me this morning. He was like, "Yeah, that's what I do."
Then he said, "I got fired."
I was like, "Huh?" I knew what he said, but for a split second I actually was like OMG THANK GOD!
That is crazy. Not rational. Wow. But it just speaks to how trapped I feel here. And by him. And his job. Which I hate. Even if it does bring in 130k - though that means very little to me - but it is ... I'm ungrateful for it. I don't appreciate it. I'd rather ... work. And support us, and have more choices. If it were up to me - and it's not right now - I wouldn't live here. I hate his hours. I hate that he's never around. I hate that he hates his work and ... eh, just airing that.
Please don't come down on me for it. I really had to be honest about that and kind of air it - something for me to think about later.
Babysitter here, and we had a block party to go to tonight, along with figuring out bedtime for D and I had to cook dinner - but it was a late work night for me, so if D goes to bed at 7 - and I finish at 6:30 and still have to roast chicken, get her to bed, etc. stop down at the block party-
Well, I wasn't thinking and I called BF. Apparently, I had forgotten I was DBing, b/c I was like "Hey what should we do about tonight?"
(I had called him earlier and no answer - texted and said I'd be unavail for an hour at an appt. but wanted to know about tonight) - nothing back so when I called upon coming home from my appt, he was being vague. He was in his car and it was hard to hear him - again, he wasn't at work. He was mumbling stuff, and I finally said, "I don't know what you're saying" - all I'd said was about two sentences to him and I was totally nice about it.
But he was like, "I don't know what you want or why you're chasing me down."
He said it really nastily ... I just said, "Oh," and I hung up.
Wow. Totally not called for. But I prob. shouldn't have called him in the first place, I just forgot when he decided to not do anything at night anymore.
It's ironic that the other night in the kitchen when he was talking about leaving he said "I don't just want to be a weekend father." Meanwhile -
Anyway - so I did something that made me REALLY PROUD.
I dropped it. Let it go. Didn't dwell. Thought, his problem, not mine. Let the sitter go home, scooped up D, cooked with her in the kitchen, caught up with my mom (WHO BTW is going to call the MC I've been going to - she said she thinks she has some things she can work on herself! HMM.....) (I'm really proud of her for doing that - really brave), and then D and I went down the block party.
This block party goes on every year and we've been here three years. BF knows some of the neighbors on our street, and I thought he'd want to go but on the phone he was like "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE BLOCK PARTY."
So we're sitting there, and it's nice - tons of great food and everyone loves D ... so we're hanging out and BF pulls in (in his pink car of course, which everyone can see from a thousand miles away) and people start asking me if he's coming and I'm like, "Oh, IDK." So D and I return home and he doesn't come out of his room to great us.
So I start struggling with D to get her PJs on etc. and she is running around naked and screaming and he still doesn't come out of the room.
Finally, he came in and sat down with us and I just acted totally normal. He asked about the block party - and we were basically sitting there watching D and laughing at her antics.
He also gave her a check to give to me - for an amount I don't even understand and don't even want to ask about b/c it's too annoying, so I'll just hold on to it - we have a potential upcoming couple of days at the shore, a potential MC appt Monday, and then asking him about the check on top of that - I'll just do one thing at a time.
So we're sitting there, and he's like "blah blah ... NOthing is funny anymore." And I looked at him and kind of cocked and eyebrow. He was like, "Except D - that's it."
I said, "Geez," kind of lightly "you sound really depressed."
And he looked at me. I said, all that talk the other night about nothing having meaning and now nothing is funny. I said, "Sure you aren't depressed?"
He said, "What are you talking about?"
But it's odd. It reminded me of the time when I was pregnant, and he went through this period where he started throwing everything out on the front curb - literally throwing it off our porch. He didn't go to a birth class with me, wouldn't answer his phone, and I remember, that was the same week of the neighborhood block party - and he said he had no interest.
I remember at the time thinking, Did I end up with someone really antisocial?
Tonight, that same thought struck me - we're two houses down - me and D sitting out there - gorgeous night, like why not just come say hi?
I don't get it. But whatever - I didn't bring it up; like I said, I acted normal and I thought about how both my IC and the MC who I seem to be going to alone said that it appears when I don't need anything from him that's when he comes to me.
But how do you carry on in a R like that?
And my final thought is that his behavior seems to be like someone who is very depressed or in some sort of crises. He seems to keep searching for something outside himself - the way he talks about an apartment, or a motorcycle, or "changing the world" or "doing something meaningful."
I wonder if the MC will pick up on this.
It seems like if I back off, his behavior comes through - and stands out more.
Thank you for your responses, I will get to them in a bit...
I have another question for you...
Do you trust yourself?
Big time working on that. I don't, but I do more than I ever have in my life - that's a recent thing in the past 6 months.
But the way, three years ago, I basically met someone and had a baby with him, etc. makes me a little reluctant to trust myself - but I'm healing a lot more from that now.
Would you be able to accept the following descriptions:
Advice - potential action items
Feedback - information that is externally gathered and fed back into a system for review
~~~~~~~~~~
Could you expand on the risks you took in the achievements you've cited:
+ motherhood
+ work
info that is "externally gathered" - as opposed to what? I kinda get that.
- motherhood. I took a risk by parenting the way I want to parent, which is not so mainstream, but is proving to have amazing results with my child. I always stuck by my guns on things and allowed my "instincts" to guide me ... Overall, becoming a mother has given me motivation to grow and I feel like there is some risk involved in that - I also risked trusting someone who i had a baby with
- work - I had faith in myself enough to leave a corporate job that paid miserable, get clients directly, increase my wages by 60%, work very very hard for a couple years to build a client base, trust myself enough to pull it off, follow my heart, do it alone, reach out to people, expand my skill set, be a mentor to others, and this sort of thing goes on and on.
If there was ONE THING that you could change in yourself... what would that be...?
Um.
Lord. I'm usually pretty quick to answer even deep questions. But I gotta get up and walk around and think about this some.
The personal wounds I carry around. My fears.
Um...
My inability - sometimes - to be happy ... with small things. With easy things. I complicate stuff. I want to keep it simple and find pleasure in small joys - I think I do more now than ever, but I still crave a different life.
I need more clarity here.
Are you indicating that the first two things that you suggest you would change would be:
+ your personal wounds
+ your fears
Is the following your third?
Originally Posted By: LilaGirl
My inability - sometimes - to be happy ... with small things. With easy things. I complicate stuff. I want to keep it simple and find pleasure in small joys - I think I do more now than ever, but I still crave a different life.
