I don't mean to get too "personal" here and I wish I could find a way to talk "offline" with you about this via email.
That would be nice, huh? However, there's also benefits posting it out to the board, too. There are other believers on the board (e.g. Telemark) who can offer some other perspectives.
One thing to keep in mind is there are a lot of things in our faith that's counter-intuitive as well - e.g. die to yourself to live, the gift of grace, etc.
