New to the forum.

[Lonely in SLC]

I am still feeling pretty good right now. I do have a few things to share.

If you have read any of the previous posts, I have a hard time stopping from looking at my wife's FB page. It still keeps me attached to her. So........it has been remedied.

Sunday night I spoke with my stbxw over the phone. I was talking about how I bet every man now hits on her since she took off her wedding ring. I hinted at doctors. I guess I wanted to get caught. She asked me how I knew. I played dumb and asked what she is talking about.

She then told me that the gynacologist told her that he would love to take care of her, then stroked her face and asked her out. She declined his advances. She claims she does not want any relationships with any man. I believe this to be uproffessional conduct by the doctor.

Anyway, Monday afternoon comes around, and again I look on her FB page. This time I see private messages from her to her cousin in Chile. The conversation leads to my stbxw relating to her cousin how she has been dating a security guard for the past three months, but it is difficult because they have not done anything yet, they she was just waiting for the divorce to finalyze.

You can imagine the feelings of frustration and sorrow that passed through me. I had to confront her, so after work I drove to the house. As I was driving, I was actually a little at peace. A few things passed through my mind. 1. She could have set me up to see if I was spying on her. She was suspicous the night before. 2. I am going to move on with my life for the time being with hopes of getting back with her down the road. 3. I will not let this conversation be an argument. 4. I will tell her about me having her FB code.

I asked her out to sit in the truck to have a conversation with me. I did not want my kids to hear anything or interrupt us. I started of by saying that I do not want either one of us to raise our voices, and to be honest with eachother. We are adults.

I showed her a printed page of the messages and calmly asked what was this. She first asked where I had received this from. I told her the truth. She could not believe that I had still been spying on her. I apologized, but explained that was one of the reasons why I was there, for her to change her code so that I would not be tempted to look anymore. I am slowly getting better with moving on, but it still has been difficult for me. She was upset, but suprisingly calm.

She then went on to explain that they were all lies. That it was her friends idea to set me up to see if I had access to her FB account. I asked her about the message about spending the afternoon with a handsome man from a few weeks ago. She said that was in reference to my oldest son, since he is the man of the house now. She also told me that I need to heal myself as well.

Regarding the security guard, I believe her, but still have my doubts. But, it does not matter now. I believe this conversation was needed, that I will no longer have access to her FB account, that this chapter of my life is over.

As stated on Sunday night, now is the time to work on me. I know that I will still have my down moments, especially when the judge finally signs the paperwork and the divorce is official. I also know that personal prayer has helped me alot with these difficult times. I feel closer to my Heavenly Father, knowing that he cares for me, mourns with me, and will carry me. Google Footprints in the Sand, it is a great poem.

There are many things that I would like to change in myself. I am in the midst of creating a list (goals) of what I want, who I want to be, and how to get there. I will share this later.

I still do not what the future holds. I still believe that my wife and I will get back together, but it will take awhile. But if not, with time, I will be fine and happy again. We can't always choose the roads we must travel in this life. One thing I will learn from this is to enjoy my journey more during the "slow" times of life. I will be more grateful of the blessings that I do have, and work harder to be better to my family, starting with my kids.