Moving here from Newcomers

[~ kd ~]

SC, just popping by again...

I'm so proud of your growth over the past months, here.

There are two of you on the board right now that so remind me of my W.

My experience of your changes are profound.

I think to myself... "If only my W..."... *sigh*...

And really... if only my W would... if ONLY for her own value... for her own future...

You are amazing, SC. And you so will go on to have wonderful relationships based on who you have become through this unfortunate process...

[Queen_of_Swords]

Awww thanks Kaffe Diem
pretty cool takeoff on Carpe Diem btw, especially if you need coffee to get your day started)

Yeah I feel the same way about some posters here that remind me of my H.
If only...but apparently that's not to be. The one least committed to the R has the most power and the least incentive to change ( even if for their own benefit) it seems.

I appreciate the high esteem you hold me in Kaffe, nice to know. I notice you too have been a really big help to the shell shocked newly suffering amongst us. Good on you.

[~ kd ~]

coffee runs in my blood... I can't go to sleep without it... lol!

I just like that I can offer support to those who are here. I would have been OK had I not found and participated in this site, but I find that having the opportunity to be surrounded by others who had the same convictions as I around the importance of family and marriage... and the love of our spouses...

As I'm sure you've noticed, it's a pleasant change to the general "public" opinion of spouses who just say "sc3w it" and exit the M, bitter and no more equipped to handle new Rs...

I would simply submit that your place on the pedestal of enlightenment is well earned... If you won't pat yourself on the back, someone ought to do it for you...

[Queen_of_Swords]

I'm going to post this journal entry on two threads because I feel it's so important to me. Perhaps too it will help some others who don't read my other threads because they're in the "wrong" section.

Journaling -

Discovered something about myself recently.

I thought I had been making progress on listening empathetically. I have shut my mouth more, interjected less, and am really, really trying to be less directive/final in my statements.

Apparently I was missing something.


It has been brought to my attention that even when a man says,
"Don't do _______.

I tend to gloss it over in some way as either not serious or insignificant.

I think I may have done this for a couple of reasons.
First I think it's because guys' delivery is so different to that of women - more low key, less tonal variation, less emphatic/expressive?
Second it's definitely because I was never listened to either. I base this on the fact I come from a very loud family. There were a lot of us and none of got the attention we really needed so there was a lot of shouting and attention getting behaviour to be noticed, let alone listened to and heard.

All this feeds into this so that, when a man says he's unhappy in some way with what I'm doing, I figure HE hasn't heard me clearly or understood and I redouble my efforts! My program pattern...if it doesn't work the first time do it over and work harder, faster, longer, more, more, more!

Of course the guy feels dismissed. Of course he doesn't feel heard or respected. Major freaking duh!

How crazy is that?

Now that I know I'll be changing this pronto!