XYZ is here longer than I ever imagined....

[XYZ]

As happy as I was on on Sunday, that's how sad I am right now.

2 Changes. Since the weekend, W's mood has noticeably gone to crap. She's back to being the sad, angry, moody person she was before piecing started.

And second, kids are with the grandparents tonight. Earlier today, I TM W "I'm done around 5, have a drink with me tonight? My treat. ILY"

I get back: "Hey, thank you for the offer, but I am not ready for that. I don't think it's fair not to be honest. ily"

I just reply "ok, ily"

That was over 5 hours ago and no contact since. That in and of itself is odd, because we've been communicating so much more. I see now that it was really all about the kids. If I had them, she'd call me; if she had them, I'd call her. Today, they are at her parents and we both call them, but not each other. I had deluded myself into thinking she was contacting me. Now I realize just how wrong I was.

I am completely deflated. I honestly don't know if I have the fortitude to get through this process. I knew we weren't "there" yet, but I can't deal with this limbo any more. I just don't know how to do this. I want off this roller coaster and the only way I know how to get off of it is to just give up and move on. I don't want that at all, but on days like today that seems better than staying on it.

My only positive thought on all of this is maybe she's processing MC from Friday. She's always taken a few days to process stuff and the Doc described her anger as a mask for her pain. Maybe in order to process the pain, she has to go back through the anger in the other direction. I don't know, I'm not p-shrink, but maybe.