I read the SSM book and identified with it 100%. My wife historically would agree to sex about once per week but was clearly never engaged / interested which was not a good feeling.
Recently discovered she was involved in a 6 mo EF with a co-worker. When confronted, asked for divorce and not interested in reconciling. EF is over, ended by OM.
I spent lots of time reading, researching, seeking help, etc. and have got her back to the table and interested in saving the marriage, but I am definitely doing the bulk if not all of the work. I feel like I'm putting on a backpack full of rocks each morning and walking around with a forced smile.
My wife says she wants me to expect nothing from her, and that it may be months before she's ready to resume a sexual relationship.
I understand the 4 steps in the process and am working very hard to meet her needs, but am having a very hard time dealing with EF-related anxiety and anger (which I have never voiced).
I'm very concerned that months of one-sided effort will lead to resentment on my part. She got to have an exciting outside relationship while I dealt with our SSM, now I have to put everything right and expect nothing?
I'm really struggling with this. I want it to succeed and I left nothing on the table getting her to come back to the relationship, it took everything I had and I am emotionally exhausted, but now I have to keep giving indefinitely?
