Navy Your wife is regretting sleeping on the couch, even if it's only because of her back. She doesn't like the couch, but is too stubborn to go back to your bed. So when faced with a contradiction she freaked out, and placed the blame on you. The fact that she couldn't handle the discomfort she put herself by her choices shows to me that she is not in the right state of mind yet.
Does she keep saying things like "I'm only doing this for the children" ? If that's the case be careful because she is building mental blocks to a true reconciliation. In the future she'll either get tired of doing it for the kids and leave, or will wait till you are empty nesters and completely flee.
I get the feeling that she resents her current situation.
Take the following advice with a grain of salt:
Next time she starts the self pity party, calmly and lovingly tell her. I can tell you are miserable with the current sitch. In fact it is very visible, and it's starting to affect the children, because they can tell you are not happy. I don't like seeing you so miserable, and if you feel you must go, maybe you should.
After saying all that expect her to fly off the handle on you, she'll probably accuse you of trying to kick her out. Calmly tell her the opposite holds true, and that is not what you want. You just want everyone to be happy, to include her.
The whole point of this is to make her conciously choose to stay without any pressure. This way she'll no longer have an excuse to stonewall you. Staying for the children also means staying for the M. Tell her you have to have both otherwise the children will pick up on this and grow up with very screwed up notions of what it means to be married.
I know it doesn't compare since I don't have kids but my W was sticking around "for my own sanity". During this time she was here but not interested in reconciliation. It wasn't until I showed her that she could go that she started re-evaluating why she was really sticking around.
