Just returned from a vacation that was planned before this all happened. He is still insisting it was all made up when he was drunk one night and that he hasn't had a PA. He is claiming undying love for me and wants us to work things out . . .
And how did you respond?
Starsky
I'm afraid I was rather sarcastic and said I didn't think much to the strength of his undying love if he can do what he's done - probably wrong, I know but just so tired of hearing rubbish!
So in other words, you were unclear about what was required for him to come back . . .
My advice, if this moment (or one similar to it) presents itself again:
1. Ask "Are you asking me what it's going to take for you to come back and work on the marriage?" (CLARITY)
2. Say "I'm afraid it's not that simple anymore. I'll have to think about that -- let's talk more next week." (LET HIM KNOW THAT HE DOES NOT CONTROL THE WHOLE THING HERE, and that YOU aren't sure what you want any more. You want him to think "Oh no, maybe I pushed her too far this time ...")
Most people blow it by a lack of CLARITY and BOUNDARIES, and by failing to perceive the moments when you have the most leverage. Response #1 will help you separate if it's just a drunken dial/b.s. or if he's serious, and #2 will help you take your power back.
I'm afraid I was rather sarcastic and said I didn't think much to the strength of his undying love if he can do what he's done - probably wrong, I know but just so tired of hearing rubbish!
