My GALing and His Bailing Part 5

[Queen_of_Swords]

Any advice you can give on stress/coping would be helpful - ie. what you would do in my ... moccasins smile

Or an example of some of the actions you took in your life that helped - I would really love love love to hear that.

Well Lila it's more of a mental shift than specific things you can do.

I've written this before somewhere ...I have a quote on my wall:

" You are NOT the General Manager of the Universe. Your job is to be open to possibilities and let go of concepts of how things SHOULD work out."

It's true. You manage what is essential for your survival, and the rest can go to hell for a while. You get to choose just what is really important to you.

If you're anything like I was, you define/value yourself and believe that others define you and your value by your performance.

The truth is Lila no one is judging you as harshly as you are, and the "work" is always going to be there. You are not irreplaceable and all you're doing now is fighting a holding pattern against chaos. That's no way to live.

Ok as for the concrete things:

1) Choose what can slide for a while.

2) Choose to be less rigid about scheduling of tasks that are not for survival or of your general well being. Figure out where you CAN be flexible.
ExampleL the dust is an inch thick on the mantel, and the interior of the car is filthy, your mother would faint...so what?

3)If you feel yourself getting angry, give yourself a time out, and figure out the source of your anger. (Hint : It's usually a swift kick in your self esteem as you percieve it. You feel devalued in some way.)

I've written on anger in a couple of my posts. You can look up what I've said about it there.

4) Ditch the caffiene it ratchets up your anxiety level and contributes to sleep difficulties, it makes you irritable and less able to let little things roll off your back.

5) Get enough sleep, and nourish yourself well. Remember - HALT - Don't make any decisions or say anything as a reaction to someone's else's behaviour when you're Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

6)Learn to meditate or spend time in contemplative prayer.

7) Worry less. I read this somewhere: " If you are in control of any situation , you KNOW you will do your very best, so why worry? If you are not in control of any given situation, it is not in your control so why worry?"

8) Instead of cursing someone bless them instead. It frees you and gives YOU a positive message. You then bless yourself too.

How has this worked for me? Well last week I left my kids alone for an hour. While I was gone they shattered a few of my glass candle holders. They phoned me to come home right now!
In the past I would have started to leave and would have been berating them loudly on the phone.

This time I calmly simply said: "I know you guys can handle this. Pick up the bigger pieces carefully and put them in the trash. The vacuum is in the basement, please vacuum the living room so no little pieces are left.
They were more upset than I was and were apologetic and contrite. I told them it's only stuff guys, it isn't irreplaceable or that special. I'm glad you told me instead of trying to lie and cover it up.
I praised them when I got home for being so responsible and considerate.

I didn't get stressed, neither did they, a win win.

I don't doubt part of the sleep issues your little one has is what she's picking up from you and BF.
The more quickly you can get a handle on it Lila, I think the better she'll be too.