Jack - I'll tell you what happened. I allowed the old me to come back. The one who was willing to compromise and manipulate. I stopped going to meetings and relapsed last October. She did not know the drinking me and I played it off. Told her I could have one or two and it would be alright. She believed me. Truth is at the time I believed me. I was so diluted I thought I could actually control this. I know I'm a heavy hitter but I really believed I could control. I was so full of it.
Fast forward to today. We'd had about three or four drinking "episodes" together. That where we both had a bit too much. She's caught me drunk "out of the blue" a couple more times. I've cleaned her up a couple of times myself when I was sober. And now she found some airplane bottles I hid around the house and car. She asked where they came from and I lied and was caught of course. She can't trust me and she's moved out.
I started to plead and stopped myself. She was expecting me to move out but I refused. So she did.
I know I am in the wrong place here and that it is to far gone. I will back off after this post. I realize now that it doesn't matter how much or how frequent I drink. It's my behaviors surrounding alcohol. I put alcohol before another woman again in my life without even realizing it. Hence I did it again. I am really stupid here.
I haven't drank since Sunday. No withdraw because I wasn't drinking enough. Gonna try meetings again.
