I know i posted in your earlier threads. I decided later to be an observer. In your recent posts you have asked for specific suggestions. I can understand that. I too used to look for specific suggestions until now where i am slowly 'getting it'. Hope these help you.
1: You said that your BF uses bad words in front of D and you don't know what to do. A : You cannot control him even though you that what he is doing is wrong. So remove your daughter from the room. But at the same time tell him that it is not good for kids to hear those kinds of words and so you are moving D to a different room. With that you did not attack him. You just let him be. I am sure he's gonna think about that. Next time, see how he responds.
2: when you eat he makes rude remarks about 'mommy is piggy'. Yup, that can p!ss you off. But dont react badly. You can either practice some calming techniques or tell him "BF : Even if it is meant to be funny, i dont like what you said about my eating. I'd appreciate if you don't talk that way"
If you have not tried talking this way. Try it and see what happens.
Thank you. This is the tack I've been taking. It seems to work or at least it allows me to maintain my energy and not give it away through my reactions (anger, stress, etc.) and also not holding it in and feeling hostage to it.
I did this today - he was helping me with D so I could work and he took the morning off. I thanked him - I was in the middle of something, and he let D loose, she ran up to me, started whining and he just walked away. If I did that to him, I would hear about it. I said, "What does this mean?" He said, "What?" I said, "I'm not sure what you need." He said, "Oh, I have to work now." I said, "Oh, you hadn't communicated that, but now I know." He said, "Oh yeah, sorry. Can you put her down for a nap?" I said, "Sure."
Just simply taking care of myself - a simple communication. He responded and EVEN APOLOGIZED - which he NEVER does - never owns it. So it was nice that he did that.
If he wants just as much right to D during custody etc etc. and all the rest, he can have just as much right to being responsible for her now. We were both up later with her, we both have to work, we're both tired. The ball can't always always always fall in my court (I just stopped picking it up today and he took care of her and I got some stuff done). And that helped me feel human and less resentful/angry.
