We were cleaning the house on the weekend and I found a Birthday present and card for my wife under our bed. The gift was a new cell phone and the card was unsigned. My immediate reaction was that the gift was from the OM.
Last night I casually mentioned to my wife that I noticed that she received an early Birthday present. Turns out the gift was from her Consultant friend, that if you read my previous threads will see that he was initially the person that I thought my wife was having an affair with.
I then took the opportunity to ask her about what was going on between her and the OM, first time that I have asked about him since last December. She got rather annoyed and simply responded that she only sees him occasionally at work through meetings etc. I knew that this wasn't the case but did not challenge her response.
She then went onto say that the problem is not with her other relationships but with ours. I responded that I didn't think we even had a relationship and that I couldn't even begin to describe what our current situation is. I then said that I am prepared to work on our relationship but would leave it up to her as to if and when that would take place. I stated that we had drifted apart and rather than dicussing our concerns, each of us chose to keep our issues bottled up inside. Her response was that I was always difficult to communicate with, (which is true) and that because of this she gave up trying to discuss anything with me other than the kids.
I acknowledged her concerns and agreed with her 100 percent, that I was not a great communicator but that I was working hard on trying to be a better listener and more open to discussion etc. She responded that she has moved beyond working on the relationship and has no interest in discussing anything with me. In the past I never wanted to have any meaningful discussion so why start now.
I told that her that she never shared anything with me either and instead chose to share her concerns with a co-worker and that people at work knew more about her than I did. She had no response to this statement.
That basicaly summed up the discussion. No resolution in sight, only a clear indication that she has no intention of working on the relationship. She is simply in our home for the sake of making it appear that we are married and still a family. My overall sense is that at this time my wife still does not even like me as a person.
I have a long, long way to go just to get her to the liking/friendship stage. Need to stay positive and focused for the sake of my kids.
