I can take that punch!

[Redo]

Journaling....

It's been a long time since i updated my sitch. I guess it is because there's not much.

Whole of last week i was down with the flu. Caught it from my daughter when i visited her the week before. I went there to be there when daughter got her eye exams.

Funny thing. Usually at 8pm i call up wife to skype with daughter. Nowadays (i guess it has been about 3~4 days now) wife calls me up asking me if i wanna skype.

Last week MIL called me and wanted to clarify if i was planning on moving on (marrying someone else) or waiting on W. I explained to her that if wife decided to come back to work on the marriage and that if i had not bailed by then, then yes i would work on the marriage. I guess at the end i did not clarify anything for MIL. But an interesting point was that MIL asked me if i could 'sweet talk' my wife and might be get her to change her mind.

In the past everytime we had any argument, one suggestion from IL's was always 'just sweet-talk W'. 'Just make her happy'. I did do this all the while. But at the end i screwed myself over because by doing this all the time i undermined myself as a capable individual and slowly started thinking i was to blame for everything that came into our marriage.

So this time i told my MIL that i would not do the 'sweet'talk' anymore. After wife filed for D, it was very clear as to what her intentions were. I would lose respect for myself if i still went begging after her. I did feel bad telling her this. But it had to be done. I want my W to come back knowing that she respects me as a person and wants back in to the R, not because i 'sweet-talked' her.

I have to say, a big reason for my recent detachment has been the thought of the possibility of a new R in my mind. When i think that maybe i'd be happy with a new R, it does help with my detachment. Sad part is that there's no OW or anything. all this with just thoughts

One thing i did today was ask my lawyer to find out as to whats keeping up the D process from W side. I am gonna push it, but i'd like to know why the sudden stall.