You say no you aren't a victim, and your BF isn't. Sorry, you speak like a classic victim.
Lila,
You have had this pointed out by many many people on here, which tells me I am not the only one seeing this, people who have been around here a long time. People who have identified these things in themselves and actually done something about them.
Every time someone posts something you don't want to hear, you ask them to stop or accuse them of being mean.
You have driven a lot of people who could actually help you away from your thread.
I have nothing more to offer because you simply don't want to hear it.
I commend the others who are going to choose to stick around and attempt to get through to you, although I don't believe it will happen.
I hope that someday, you can take the time to see in yourself what others see in you and actually have the desire to do something about it...
Good luck...
and Gabby, you have really come a long long way...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Okay, I am going to take KD's post seriously - even if it is just on "faith" - but I was about to post this as an example of those boundaries I was talking about earlier.
BF is on a cursing spree in front of D and it is upsetting me too .. .he is like "the f-in f-er just took this sh*t and f-ed with something." and I'm like, 'Oh geez." and kind of duck to show him that sounds harsh.
I say, "oh ugh" - like please in front of D.
But he keeps doing it.
What do I do? Say? How do I behave?
Or, if I spend an entire meal feeding D rather than myself and kind of "managing" her while letting him eat and then steal a piece of steak from my plate and put it in my mouth (a big piece b/c I'm not able to cut it in small pieces and eat gracefully) and then BF makes snorting sounds and says "mommy is a piggy" -
Do I ignore it? Say "that's not nice"?
I want to do these kinds of things in less reactive ways - to BF - to my family. But I don't want to be "mean" but I also want to be firm -
I think this will help me overall feel less angry and abused and lash out less (though I realize there is a LOT more to it than that) but maintaining these boundaries feels like it might help.
You say no you aren't a victim, and your BF isn't. Sorry, you speak like a classic victim.
Lila,
You have had this pointed out by many many people on here, which tells me I am not the only one seeing this, people who have been around here a long time. People who have identified these things in themselves and actually done something about them.
Every time someone posts something you don't want to hear, you ask them to stop or accuse them of being mean.
You have driven a lot of people who could actually help you away from your thread.
I have nothing more to offer because you simply don't want to hear it.
I commend the others who are going to choose to stick around and attempt to get through to you, although I don't believe it will happen.
I hope that someday, you can take the time to see in yourself what others see in you and actually have the desire to do something about it...
Good luck...
and Gabby, you have really come a long long way...
Cat, like I keep asking everyone - specifics help.
I'm not sure what I'm a victim to. I am looking for a way out.
GM's theory is that BF is being "mean" b/c I'm being a biotch or whatever, but then wouldn't the same logic apply that I'm being a biotch b/c BF is eternally mean?
That's exactly what we talk about on here - NOT to do. Not to play blame games (my exH was the reason for my troubles, etc).
So I'm just working on specifics right now - one is feeling less powerless, having more boundaries, and coping and handling stress better.
I still welcome your input.
So if I just take from this "well, I guess I'm being a victim." What good does that do me? How is that helpful? Where do I go with that?
I will keep watching your thread LG... To see how you are coming along with figuring "it" out... the less words here, the better... only in respect that if you you really understand... I do not want to miss it...
I will keep watching your thread LG... To see how you are coming along with figuring "it" out... the less words here, the better... only in respect that if you you really understand... I do not want to miss it...
KD - say this again? I feel like this is a bit cryptic.
Maybe it's something around my learning style but I literally need like bulleted lists
- Do not talk for one week - Do not go to therapy
Etc. Seriously. That's what I keep asking people for but the vague general comments aren't helping. And I'm just asking for help.
+ i will keep watching your thread + i will watch how you are coming along with the reflection + the less words you post here, the easier it will be to see "progress"
+ the goal is to spend one week of no external work to discover yourself
And remember that in one week, we can discuss this
