I will give you but one example.

You have asked for it. I trust you asked because you will ruminate over it. Because I do not ask for something that I do not wish to truly receive.

STOP WORKING ON YOURSELF! Stop reading, stop going to therapy, stop watching videos on You Tube. Please, please, please.

Please take a week and do that and I suspect by that time, you will understand why. I WILL NOT give you the answer.