Thanks, Ken. I appreciate your honesty. You're probably right. I'm examining all this closely now.
I keep thinking of a quote by a monk I can't rememnber his name - and he said something like "The people in our lives do not inhibit our spiritual practice; they are our spiritual practice."
That always stayed with me.
So I keep going round and round on this concept b/c I've been in therapy so long and even yesterday when I told the MC about my mom (she asked if I'd been crying) and I told her what happened, she said, "It sounds like your mom does the same thing BF does to you" -
So it's validated - not saying that I wanted it to be, but I was feeling pretty crazy in the car on the drive over there yesterday.
I guess I think about what I would do and believe it or not, I'm a pretty nice caring person (I just have these sets of issues) but if someone asked me to help, I would have called to let them know what time I'd be there or ask what time they needed me. Esp. if I knew they had an appt in the morning. I would have been there and taken the kid and said, "okay, let's let mommy get her space," or something. And I wouldn't have made a doctor appointment a couple hours later.
My mother has been like this her whole life, and I've always had to guess if she was mad at me - b/c she's pass-aggress. and weeks later, she might tell you she was or something, so yesterday I got upset, b/c here I thought she was okay with helping, and she was doing that old behavior that shows me she's not okay (which is showing me how inconvenient it is for her, etc.)
So it wasn't like she came over and respected me and then I was beating on her. She was just doing what she's done all my life - act out in ways where you're left feeling bad.
Again, the question remains. Just like it does with BF or anyone (my dad calling and then getting angry at me if I don't return his calls on time and leaving annoying messages)
What do you do? I think - okay, just show them love, don't give anyone the power to upset you or take you down.
I honestly don't know - it's not like I have the answer and I'm ... I'm lost on this one.
