I told W that she hasn't been honest with me. W said that I have put her in a place where she doesn't feel like she can be honest with me. That I have backed her into a corner. That I gave her an ultimatum after I found OM sitting on her toilet back on May31. That it was unrealistic for her to agree to not having any contact with OM. That she has tried things my way. "I have tried doing what you told me to do" by not having any contact. She said that she has to do it her way. That she doesn't know what she wants. . . .
A: "Then it looks like I have my answer."
Blah, blah, blah . . . yadda, yadda, yadda.
THERE. Fixed it for you.
Seriously, Denver (and I'm not trying to minimize your pain, because i can FEEL it oozing from your posts), everything else in there really IS just extra bullchit, and the part that I've culled is what it really DOES all boil down to.
Your wife doesn't feel "it" for you right now.
Your wife is still in contact with OM.
As long as your wife is in contact with OM, she WON'T feel "it" for you, and will remain blocked to your changes (even when you do pull them off).
It's a vicious circle, Denver, and this is why some of us believe so strongly that the time for boundaries is EARLY, not later on, when you feel a wayward spouse is ready to hear them. Your wife has this way of "fuzzying up" everything, and parsing, and you need to hone it back in to this simple point: "This isn't working for me; I won't share my wife with another man, and I see no reason to even discuss our marriage when one of us has made the unilateral decision to invite a third person into it."
No long R talks; no expensive family vacations; no family outings where we all pretend everything is OK. She needs to feel the loss of you, and you've NEVER, EVER allowed her to do that from what I can see, and until you do, she's going to keep dangling you on the string, and you're going to continue your misery.
