Loving, Listening, and Letting Go..

[aeolianchaos]

August first. About 10 weeks since the W walked out.

I feel like I'm doing pretty okay with all this stuff. It would be great if my W was moving more towards me, but I do like many of the changes I'm making, even if I feel they are somewhat insufficient. Specifically, GAL and GAJ. Not hitting either of those out of the park yet. I need to apply myself better to both of these tasks.

My W has often complained of me being 'unapproachably shy' - this came up in the Mother of all R talks last week. Somehow I ended up discussing introversion vs. extroversion and didn't really hit the topic of shyness directly on.
There is merit to her critique. I have been shy to a point where it violates my own integrity - in the sense that I want to say something but don't. However, I have been improving in that regard and want to be more true to myself in this way - I am in general a very warm and articulate person - but I did go through a period where I was a mute in social situations, even if I was quite lively and enthusiastic around my W and family.

The job stuff continues - I really want the gig I applied for last week but who knows when they will actually even interview for it - so I'm trying to see if I might be able to land some temp work for the time being. I really feel like it would make a difference in my outlook.

Started reading Schnarch's Constructing the Sexual Crucible. Much more dense than his other stuff - seems focused towards a more academic audience - but informative nonetheless.


For a lighter note, I thought I'd share some of the musical stuff I've been up to. I've spent the last decade basically immersed in classical music (a function of my pursuits..) and really didn't listen to much else in that time. I regret that, because I've been rediscovering so much of the stuff that I like and its feeding a part of my spirit that Brahms and Mahler never really hit for me. So here are 5 tracks that I highly recommend you go to youtube and watch/listen. And be forewarned, some of it will contain cursing, so if that bothers you: Don't listen.

1) Descendents - "She Don't Care". This could be an anthem for LBSs. I used to listen to these guys back in HS and this came out later, but when I heard it, I was amused at universality of the lyrics.
2) Faith No More - Out of Nowhere (live 2009 Download Fest.). Just a great track by one of my favorite bands. The whole concert is really quite good, and I'm consistently amazed at Mike Patton's vocal flexibility.
3) Dag Nasty - Million Days. This album is in my car and is just fun and full of basic emotional guts.
4) Sense Field - Sage. A little lighter than the previous tracks. Brings back good memories, and I always enjoyed the sounds on that album.
5)Gnarls Barkley - Smiley Faces. The official video is just incredible. Dennis Hopper. It's great.. Cee Lo Green is quite a lyricist. The Abbey Road recording of Transformer is quite stunning, too.

For me, this is part of my GAL. It is private, but it is me re-engaging with music that I really really like for its own sake. Many of the tracks have lyrics that give outlet to my frustrations or pain and listening seems to help me get some of it out of my system.