I had planned to do a blow by blow recap of the fight, but have decided instead to focus on the lessons I learned.
After much thinking, that terrible fight in which she threw stuff, and just raged, had nothing to do with me. Afterall the last thing I wanted was to fight. Instead I got baited into it, since she was trying to justify her insecurities. That night she kept asking if I wanted to have sex or leave her for a local girl. I tried every possible way to let her know that I only really want her. Every time she would call it a lie, and say how could you want me when they are so much better looking, and nicer etc etc. Then I'd try to reaffirm to her that she was the one I want. At this point she would just twist my words, to make it sound like I didn't want her.
This continued until she completely lost it, and threw stuff. She then was emotionally overwhelmed and had to cry it out. I picked her up laid her on the couch, got her a pillow, a blanket, and her favorite stuffed animal. The whole time she verbally resisted saying why was I doing all that when it was over. I told her that over or not I still loved her, and would take care of her until I was no longer her husband. She cried some more, I held her until she cell asleep. At this point I went to our room and tossed and turned all night.
The next morning the first thing she said was I'm sorry. She apologized a couple more times, and picked up the stuff she threw. I tried not to make a big deal, but I was still hurt. Since during the fight she asserted multiple times that she could never trust that I actually love her, and didn't believe that I did. The reason it hurt was because it felt that the last 6 months of DBing were for nothing. It also bothered me because I realized this was probably keeping us from getting more intimate.
She tried prodding it out of me throughout the day, until I finally told her I was not mad, but hurt for the reasons stated above. She claimed she didn't remember saying that. I told her she did. We tried not getting into a fight, and moved on.
