Nice, sounds like a great plan. And mixing it up as once a month your plans, once a month her choice... great idea...
On the "date night", how do you plan on letting her know? Certainly you don't plan on springing it on her.
How would you phrase the "ask"... because it ties a little into the second part... of knowing what you want and asking for it...
because "date night" is not just for your W, it's for you, too... it is certainly something that you want, because you want to do something nice for your W but you also enjoy it...
So again... how are you planning on asking? The words...
I certainly get that you do not want to ask for anything at this time. I'd guess you don't even know what you want at this point... which is why asking is the second part of the equation, first part being figuring out what you want...
Also on that point, I would have been pretty happy with the status quo of my M. I was... mostly... happy... at least, I thought I was... I certainly DO KNOW some of the things that I want on the remote chance that we ever get to that point. But since I'm assuming we're not even gonna get there, I don't bother deciding what I want...
Here's the thing... are you wondering if you'll even get that far? To the point where you might need to know what you want and ask for it? Because... if things with your W don't work out (knock on wood)... you'd need to know what you might want if you get into a new relationship...
Which leads to the last part of your post... that your W was the giver...
And here's the thing on that...
Sure... she gave... she knew she gave... you knew she gave... and I'm sure you appreciated what she gave... and gave... and gave... until she got done with giving...
And... did she give the things you wanted and asked for? Because she was likely giving the usual things in a marriage... the things that most people expect in a marriage... but if she was really giving you want you wanted... do you think you would have maybe paid her a little more attention...? and reciprocated with giving her the things SHE wanted...?
Because... that's how it works...
If we give something they really, really want... they DO appreciate it... and there's a strong, human tendency to want to give back something just as meaningful to the giver, in return...
Your "darkness" might very well have been that the things she gave were truly not meaningful to you in a way that was profound enough for you to reciprocate...
