WAW, not sure how to proceed...

[dearme]

That makes absolute sense, Kaffe.

For now, I was thinking along the lines of scheduling a sitter twice a month, and on one of those dates planning the day/night out myself--choosing the place, making the reservations, etc.; then, on the other date, I figured the kids would be covered by the sitter, but I would leave our options open so that we could do whatever my wife wanted whether it be going out somewhere or taking a day-trip or just being at home alone together without having to watch the kids...or maybe even if she didn't feel like doing something with me, just taking it as an opportunity for us to each get some alone time. Twice a month is a frequency that I think I can maintain consistently, now and forever.

As far as giving/receiving and asking for what I want...I think those are sage words you've written. I have to confess though, at this point in time I'm not sure I'm ready to ask for anything. My assumption is she's still got one foot out the door, and I'm wondering if it might be better to wait for some signs of stabilization first.

To my wife's credit, she was the giver in the relationship...so much so that she was actually afraid to ask for what she wanted. She tried to deny what she wanted and needed from me because she thought that to ask for those things meant she wasn't grateful for the things that I did provide. Or, when she did ask, it was almost always in kind of an indirect, beat-around-the-bush kind of way that never quite sank in with me. So, I guess if I was going to ask for something from her, it would just be that she communicate with me bluntly and directly...to ask for what she wants and needs in no uncertain terms. That's a discussion we've already recently had though, and really right now that's all I want from her. For the overwhelming majority of our marriage, my needs were being met by her, but up until not too long ago I've been quite in the dark about the extent to which I wasn't meeting hers.