My ultimate hope is to rebuild my marriage to a full new and strong loving relationship, but I know that if that doesent happen I will move forward...
Happy belated B-Day J1
Make sure you take your hope and lock it away in a tiny box and store it. Hope is a wish. Too much work to do friend. Be a man who knows and lives for himself regardless of what you want. Live in the here and now and become the best J1 ever. Live it!
She will pursue you if your happy with either outcome. She will sense it.
What a relaxing day. I have spent this day doing nothing.
I have reread a few chapters of D.R. Particularly the midlife crisis as it pertains to WAWs as well. Also the chapter on depression.
I have had little contact (no contact) with my wife since she left on Saturday morning at 7AM. I have called the kids and done their nighttime prayers with them though.
Tomorrow it's bact to work for the next 5 days straight. I should hear this week if I did/did not get the job I interviewed for 2 weeks ago. So, keep good thoughts for me please.
I had a good weekend for gal. Made a couple of new friends on Saturday.
I have been in contact for a week now through facebook with a former co-worker and rekindled that friendship. It feels good to flirt with her. She is very beautiful, and intellectually stimulating. She is single (divorced) with 2 kids and has been flirting back, and that has boosted my ego greatly. I can't stop thinking about her. This has made me confident that I can move on and be happy if my marriage cannot be saved.
Anyways... More to follow...
J
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Hopefully you have called in about the job. Hopefully you have ASKED and showed interest in the job. Don't expect life to be handed to you J1 ever. Always follow through.
So now you're "infatuated" with a "friend". WTF J1!!! You are all over the map. Are you that co-dependent? I want your ego to succeed, but not with means of finding someone to replace YOUR co-dependency.
I'll tell you what...this is a dare.... The box idea again...Go get boxes or MORE boxes...tell your STBXW, this isn't working for you...tell her to pack up, and you will help her....and then when everything is done....kick her "literally" in the @ss out the door. Tell her best wishes. Wish her love and happiness and then go and TRY to have a relationship with this girl "you like". I want to see how far you get. Seriously. If you pull off the end, then pursue a new beginning, I'll wish you the best out of anyone here on the board.
Really see how far you get man. Really J1. Really? Not to hurt you, but I can kinda see why your W might be into someone else or trying to decide. Childish $h!t on your part! After ALL the advice that has been given to you, you still think this is a game. Good luck to you Bro, God helps those who helps themselves. However, if you hurt someone else through this and it's YOUR sin. Just sayin'
Hopefully you have called in about the job. Hopefully you have ASKED and showed interest in the job. Don't expect life to be handed to you J1 ever. Always follow through.
Well Of course I have. It just a waiting game now until a selection is made.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
2x4's Are you that co-dependent? I want your ego to succeed, but not with means of finding someone to replace YOUR co-dependency
Nope. Just flirting thats all... havent had ANY attention from my wife in so long happy to just feel alive inside again
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
2x4's After ALL the advice that has been given to you, you still think this is a game.
Not a game at all...(Thats a judgemnt from you) Just trying to move forward. Trying to get my life moving forward. Trying to make new friends GAL. I have NO intention of hurting anyone else, thats why I havent let it proceed further... just friendship.
This being stuck in limbo sux Im supposed to just sit here and wait... Im trying... And I am doing a good job DBing. Im staring to see small cracks in my Wifes Behavior. But DAMN it Im Lonely. Maybe I am CoDependant. Thats what marriage is a CO-Dependancy. I am used to being able to depend on my wife. She has been able to depend on me. Until she had her crisis. I have made my changes I am who I want to be. She is not there yet. She dosent see that she needs to make changes YET, but she will... I am waiting to talk to her, but we have not had ANY R talk in over a month. I am staying true to my word to not push her, but sometimes I feel like she is taking advantage of me to buy time to execute her escape plan. Clearly we need to work on communication but that requires a 2 way effort.
God grant me the Patience to make it through this.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
I definitely understand the whole limbo thing. I am tired of just waiting. I am tired of reacting to things, and not acting. I wish I had some better advice, but as you can see with my situation, it appears I did not do a good job with my own DBing.
Prayers to you friend.
Bits M:35, W:39, M:12 S1:10, S2:8, D:5 Bomb: 3/25/11 "I am not in love with you anymore." Moved Out: 5/19/11 Divorce: 08/08/11
Hi Sandi... I'm doing ok... I'm busy cleaning the house and doing all my chores b4 my W and the kids get home from visiting her parents. I thought they would be home on sat or sun, but they are coming home today (Thurs), so I got cleaning to do.
I have been working on GAL, and had a good weekend. I think my W is starting to show a couple if baby steps in that there have been 2 occasions now where she has interacted with my family. She had been disappearing whenever they came over before, from the start of June until my birthday on (Jul 25th). I have been keeping my distance from my W so as not to put any pressure on her. We have not had any fights or even disagreements in over 2 months now. I have been making sure to do my share of the household chores and not letting that slip. She has been actively persuing a new job, as she is losing 2 more kids as of Sept. This seems to put her in a good mood, I think because she has a feeling of empowerment in her future. In the end I don't know if she is happier these days because she is starting to see an end in sight for her home daycare crisis, or if it's because she sees her escape plan coming to fruition, or is the fog starting to clear... She was showing signs of depressing a few weeks ago (going to bed early, sleeping late.. Irritability etc) I wonder if she has ended her affair, as there is no time that I can't account for her whereabouts over the last 3 to 4 weeks. I am hoping that this time away has given her time to think about our R and the future, but I'm not counting on that.
I know in my heart that our relationship is dead. I am completely open to building a new relationship with her, if that's something she can commit to. I don't want the old troubled R back, but a new stronger, open sharing and loving R would be very welcomed. But if that doesnt happen, I'm ok, I will move on and find someone new to share my life with. I guess if I had to sum it up, I'd say that I haven't been happy in my marriage for some time now, since my wife changed so drastically, that makes it easier for me to move forward. I have made all the changes and improvements in myself that I am comfortable making. I am happy with me. Now, the ball is in my W court. If she can take ownership of her faults that led to the marriage breakdown and really commit to lasting change and self improvement, and is ready to work on our M, then I'm ready too. If not, then it's time for me to move forward without her.
I can tell you for sure that I have a lot more patience than I though...
I believe in marriage...
Keeping good thoughts and hope alive...
Johnnie....
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Without getting into a R talk with her, are your actions & attitude showing her that you are through with the old M and are not interested in pursuing the woman that she is right now? I'm not suggesting you tell her this verbally. But if she sees the new man who has a new life, that would be the best message.
You sound good, Johnnie.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Today would falls into bad... After a visit to my therapist, I sent a note via email to my wife. Basically I told my wife that I thought we had never communicated very well and that I wanted to work on that. Basically I ended the email asking her if she would be open to discussing that further... I believe communication is important.
I can't say that I am not happy with all her changes. For the last few days she has been positive and upbeat, so that is good. Tomorrow when I get to work, I'll see if she responded to my email as I sent it from my work.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
