I'm scared of not doing what I am supposed to, but after my appt with my IC today, she reminded me that there is no manual on life and what we "should" do if xyz happens. She said to trust myself, to not make any decisions based on emotions, and she's confident I'll know when I know what the right thing for me to do is.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I've been reading the forums since April and have followed your sitch. I just want to say that I admire how well you've handled everything that your H has thrown at you. You have owned your mistakes and you have worked on yourself and that takes so much courage.
"I'm scared that he is sleeping with someone." I think you know that is a real possibility (sorry).
"I'm scared he wants a divorce" Right now he doesn't know what he wants.
"I'm scared he doesn't love me anymore" He doesn't love himself, so he does not have the capacity to truly love anyone else.
"I'm scared I'm nothing without him" No way. You are one awesome woman. You have proved to yourself, your family and your friends (that includes all of us chickens here) that you are anything but nothing.
Please know I am not disregarding your feelings of fear; we all have those same ones and probably a lot more. Don't let them paralyze you. It is when we stop moving forward that our fears overwhelm us and stop us in our tracks.
The big loser here is your H. The day will come when he leaves La-La-Land and sees everything he's lost. And that will be one big dose of scary for him.
Big hugs to you.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Well, I may have asked a question I don't know if I'm ready to hear the answer to, but I did send H a text this afternoon asking him to please give me an idea of where his head is at. I told him if he's thinking he might want to D, to please tell me. It will hurt, but at least I'll know and will be able to move on if in fact, that is what he wants.
Of course...no response. I guess I should be thankful that he didn't respond right away because that would mean he knows..
Why did I ask? I don't know, I just had to. I am well aware that he may never respond, and I'm not going to keep badgering him. If he does tell me it's over....well then it's over and I can go from there.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
One observation I have made from my time here on the board is I can see that men have just as much pain as women do when it comes to the break down of their marriages. In a way, it comforts me. It makes me realize that men feel emotions and love also and not all of them are d-bags
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Yes, I agree with LP. You know - you've read my threads - I feel a lot of pain. I still love my W. I don't know if I'll ever stop. The GAL'ing is what helps mitigate the pain.
See... the way I figure it... about 50% of all people are really great people who believe in love and their vows and want to save their Ms... the other 1/2... not so much...
