Last October my W told me that she was having an EA and wanted out of the M. This after I had wanted out for years...
I of course did all the wrong things, begged, pleaded, gifts, for about 1 month. And then began to question if I really wanted my W or if I just wanted to win her back because I didn't want to lose to OM.
I stopped all the begging and crying and talking about R. But I did set the boundary that she MUST STOP SEEING OM... No if, and's or buts... And she stopped right away! Had she not stopped I was ready to kick her out of the house. Because I refused to be disrespected. And I checked EVERYTHING for months. Keylogger, phone, computer, checked her work, texts, EVERYTHING. One slip up and I was DONE...
My W is now fully committed to the M and things are back to normal. It took several months... Lots of change on my part. But here's the interesting part. I changed back to who I was before I dsconnected from my W. I changed back to the person I had always been. The person I had lost when I detached from my W years back.
And I again am questioning if I want to stay married. Because SHE has not made many changes at all. Or very few. Even today I wonder If her telling me she found OM was the best exit I had. Not because I didn't want to stay married but because my W suffers with many issues that flow over and makes it hard for the kids and I to be around her.
Trust me when I say that I'm not playing games. I sooooo want to make my M work but my W has many issues. And the same issues that made me want out of the M than are making me question if I want to stay now.
We really don't NEED our S. And the sooner we realize that the better we will be. Because it's our own fears that keep us holding on.
You will be fine with or without her LR. Just as I will be fine with OR without my W. Not because we have to be fine but because we WILL be fine.
Because new experiances are great!
Because meeting new people is great!
Because learning about ourselves is great!
Because you and me and everyone on this board is great!
Because life is great!
Stay strong LR
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
