There is a BIG difference between setting a day aside and letting your W know the day is free if she wants to do something...
and PLANNING a day to do something...
Going on a date with your W is no doubt enjoyable for her, but as you have suggested, the fact that you took the lead on this one and got it all planned out and all she needed to do was... a) agree to go, and b) show up...
To me, this appears to be what she might have appreciated more than just an enjoyable evening with DM... I could be wrong, of course...
That's a really good point, Kaffe Diem... I think, in my wife's case she really appreciated both the fact that I set aside a night ahead of time for just us andthe fact that I took care of making actual plans. Two separate complaints of hers have been that I (1) very very rarely carved out time for just the two of us, and (2) that when we did go out and do something it was always at the last minute...she never had anything to look forward to.
She has said in the past that it's important to her ability to feel connected to me that I make an effort to spend time with just her, even if that's just going for a walk or hanging out on the deck at home, but that she also wants to be with someone who is willing to take charge of "making things happen"...to pick a date, time, and place and to take care of all of the necessary arrangements. I think, for her, the important thing will be mixing it up...alternating between setting aside time for the two of us, without the kids, to do "whatever"--even if that ends up just being a walk through the neighborhood and a night off from being parents, but then to also make plans for things that she can mark on the calendar and, as you said, all she'll have to do is agree to go and show up for.
H: 41 W: 35 M: 9 years T: 10 years S: 9 D: 7 ILYBINILWY & "I want a divorce": 6/22/2011 Piecing: 10/2011 Still going strong as of 4/2013
